Keep holding on..

The sun was high up in the sky. A beautiful breeze blew tugging at my hair, bringing with it the freshness of a beautiful summer. It was only the second time that I was meeting him and I was excited as hell. Me, a giddy sixteen year old, I pranced on with awkward steps , butterflies in my stomach to meet the man of my dreams.

I can still picture him vividly, as if it were only yesterday. A vision in white, long and lithe, deep set brown eyes and a brilliant smile. A smile that would come to light up my whole world. Oh I fell in love and how!

A movie, followed by shy glances at one another, one dinner leading to another, all those covert rounds of sneaking into my secret hideouts to make phone calls at 2 am, I was the quintessential love struck puppy. Thus began my romantic adventure . Now as I look back, it was a journey, quite out of a novel, both triumphant and sad, a relationship that changed my life forever.

To cut to the chase, Chris was my life. I gave him my heart. I shared my life with him, big, small, happy, sad experiences, all the pieces packaged into me becoming the person I was. I let him peep into the deep crevices of my heart, guided him through mazes of emotions and was never afraid to have him see my darker side. He never judged me and that’s what I loved him about him. A steadfast pillar of strength, Chris was the reason for my being.

A fairytale is what I imagined my life to be. A Cindrella falling in love with her Prince Charming and all that I ever craved for was our happy ending. I can still recall his touch. His strong hands coursing gently into mine; his lopsided smile teasing me to laugh all my stress away; the slight trace of cologne on the nape of his neck. Life was indeed beautiful.

And just like how all good things vanish; our little piece of forever took its course too. A drunk truck driver speeding on the highway was enough to snatch away the life of a gentle son, caring brother and a loving fiance. Chris was taken away. He left for an unknown plane. Gone forever and gone for good.

With him no more, my life seemed pointless to say the least. I remember myself as a zombie wandering around the streets, cursing under my breath and giving evil looks to lovers holding hands, sharing ice-creams, lost in their own happy world. Happy? What does that mean? I would question myself every morning. Happiness had suddenly become far-fetched. A concept so unknown to me. I did not want to be a part of this banal world which had plucked away a handful of me.

Just as much as I wanted the wheels of my life to stop, my folks were as keen as ever to send me away so that I could start my life afresh. “A change of place will do you good you know”, they tried convincing me or dictating me more like it. Life was surreal and I did not even want to argue. I thought I had lost as much control of my life, just as the drunk driver who was now behind bars.

I gave in. I landed at Heathrow and a friend of mine helped me land a decent job. I treated work as nothing more than a medicine to block out the pain lurking in my heart. I worked like a machine. Waking up at 7, catching the 8: 05, shooting emails and presentations till 7 again and then treading back to my dreary old apartment.

3 years had now passed since the tragedy. I could never be the happy-go lucky, chirpy girl that i was, once upon a time but the wound had started healing. The loss was irreparable and Chris was irreplaceable but perhaps time was really the truest healer. By and by, London had started to grow on me. It was a relief to not get dragged in the past.

The winter of 2010 was at its fag end. The snow atop roofs melted away, tiny streams of the last bout of snow catching traces of sunlight. Summer would soon arrive, bringing with it new light, hope and happiness. I was enjoying the last of the wintry days, when I banged onto him. Well quite by chance. A silly two step dancing, an even sillier sorry and a twinkling smile. Suddenly, I felt something so alien to me. I felt my heart racing!

Today almost 5 years and 53 days days later, I can with all the faith in my heart say that everyone gets a second chance.

I lost love but found it again in an obscure snow-covered street in London.

To all those who have loved and lost, trust me, trust yourself. Cling on to hope even when it seems hopeless because one day, it will surely be your day..

Just keep holding on..