RAWR! Oh, I meant… Greetings!

Baby Lion
Baby Lion
Jul 28, 2017 · 4 min read

My name’s Vidmantas. I’m delighted to write my first words here! I have been “blogging” for some time in an lithuanian blogsite (you may still find my earlier compositions here). It has actually been quite a journey: my blogging started as a way to express the ridiculosity that I perceived from my surroundings, later on I intended to express more of myself there… Until I felt exhausted of trying both to be authentic and not to cross some boundaries of “too personal!”. Only recently I discovered some new internal drive to get back to blogging. I realized it’s something I can do — even if at moderate quality — to bring some creative energy and pleasurable vulnerability into my life. For the first time I FELT an excitement to create (even if it’s just some tiny piece of text which I tend to forget about few moments later after publishing it) as opposed to some “need” to do some expression, which was the only “muse” I have known previously.

That being said, I’m still somewhat new in expressing myself in English language. Whenever I tell people about this concern of mine, I usually get a response like “Oh, stop it, you’re great in English!”. And yet, if you find later posts of mine (or even this one) to be quite poorly worded or inhabited by hundreds of grammar mistakes — I hope you can understand that I’m simply doing my best, which — sadly — does not guarantee a perfection.

So, why am I here, exactly? Why am I abandoning my old blog? Well, to be quite honest, that blogsite I just mentioned was never “that big and popular”, and, for my estimation, did not make too much income — which may be required in order to afford a decent server. Loading time there was always an issue. It was bearable for few years, but lately I consider myself being lucky if my blog even loads in a browser! For this reason right now I can’t even make a “goodbye” post there! Also, for some time I considered started writing in English, but (mainly for the lack of confidence in my proficiency in this language) I kept saying “no”. Therefore now, as I am simply not able to continue with my “old ways”, I let the new beginnings flow into my life.

For the greater part of my life I used to firmly believe that happiness comes naturally at some point of one’s life; it happens once you DO something, or when you BECOME some better version of yourself. Even though this way of thinking never felt right (except for those precious yet short moments of pure joy which happened at some pleasant circumstances), I did not quite see a reason to have a rational doubt about it — that’s how we’re being taught, and that’s how world really “works”… Right? It was years of a continuous process which consisted of making assumptions (regarding source of happiness, life’s purpose, etc) and then checking validity of those assumptions until I finally reached a point where I could no longer see any viable options in regard of reaching state of happiness through external circumstances, e.g. “I’m going to be truly happy once X happens!”.

At that point I’ve become passionate about internal exploration. While “diving deep” in meditation or exploring psychedelics-induced mental state I’ve gained A LOT of clarity about my internal parts, about my fears, anxieties and events in my life that may have shaped my personality and current personal values. Still I wanted MOAR! That’s when I found about Ayahuasca and made a pretty much instant decision about attending a ceremony — and so I did, a week ago! Have to say — the amount of insights I got from ceremony was (almost literally) mindblowing! It was unbelievably pleasant and profound experience, and one of the reasons — the main one, actually — why I’m starting this blog is to share what I was able to perceive then, and share some thoughts that, hopefully, will come up in the future. Right now I really feel like expressing what’s on my mind; it just feels like there’s no other way but to let it out somewhere!

So… What’s up with the “Baby Lion”? Well, that’s ME! Or, to be more accurate, that’s how Mother Aya called me during ceremony! Well… It’s tricky to explain in short — but I promise to write about it soon enough. Right now I’ll just like to say “Hi” and kindly ask you to come back here once in a while if you wish to read about my previous and future journeys. See you soon!

Oh, and that’s my human avatar, in case you were wondering!

Written by

Baby Lion

A young and curious soul, exploring the jungle of life — internally and externally.

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