Every Mom Needs Sexy Selfies

For hot sex, picture yourself in the right light

Before my divorce, sex was an anathema. My body felt deflated after babies- saggy belly skin, butt dimples and aging flesh smothered my sexuality. Without my firm pre-baby body, was a still a sexual being? Did I deserve intimacy, and would anyone ever desire me again?

I shoved these questions to the back of my psyche and soldiered on through mommyhood. Sex was irrelevant, anyway. Such a chore- it took too much mental energy to climb from the pit of my own self doubt.

For many women, trust and honesty are the water and nutrients that feed the Great Sex Forest. My parched, prothalamic sex forest was withered and friable from years of betrayals, criticism and contempt, those heralds of marital apocalypse.

Between the deadwood sex forest, and my butt dimples, I was basically retired from sex. Divorcing, dried up and done at 36.

You may laugh and tell me I’m being ridiculous, or may shame me for neglecting my marital duties, depending on your world view.

I know from many an intimate wine bar confessional that I’m not alone, however. Too few moms are enjoying panting, hot sex. Too few moms are even missing panting, hot, sex.

Ladies, we need to change this. We need to take back our sexuality from the butt dimple demons, and the she-troll that lives under our sagging left tit (god, it was beautiful before kids. Can we take a moment, close our eyes, and mentally stroke that once full and tender bulb?)

We may not have our youthful globes, but that changes nothing. Sex is ours, and damn any tit troll who whispers self doubt into our sagging windsocks.

Take back your sexuality for yourselves, not for your partner. In fact, forget your guy or girl for a minute. Between you, me, and my Magic Wand (bless its huge, throbbing head), partners are largely irrelevant to good orgasm anyway.

What is entirely relevant is how you see yourself. If you have a negative self view, the hottest supermodel in the world wont be able to satisfy you.

Picture yourself (literally) how you want to be seen sexually, and give yourself a couple of hours with your phone. Ladies, this is why Snapchat was invented. Teenage boys may use it for sending impertinent dick pics, but its highest and best use is taking intimate self portraits, softly lit and suggestive. Keep them for yourself and treasure them always. Share them if you must, but only with a worthy partner deserving of your most beguiling vulnerabilities.

At first, I was shy and hesitant about my sexuality on camera- I couldn’t even be sexual in my own head! However, I discovered that by highlighting my best features, and artfully camouflaging my tit demons with a pretty bra or titillatingly draped bed sheet, I could take some damn sexy photos. Soon, I saw myself entirely differently, and that led to all kinds of fun. Instead of Divorcing, Dried Up, and Done, I am now eagerly delving into the candy shop of options available to a newly single women with a hunger for sex.

My little cache of sex photos has grown from a few timid bedroom shots, to full on naked selfies on a Spanish beach at sunset, to some bra and panty shots taken on the side of rural road in French village. Truth be told, the outdoor shots aren’t my favorites. I have the wild-eyed look of someone quite literally expecting to be caught out with their pants down. But hell, it was fun.

To take a good sex selfie, you need to capture a suggestion, a hint. You aren’t trying to take medical grade photographs of your vulva- no one wants to see that shit. Capture the curve of your breast in a pretty bra. Your collarbones, or the hint of cleavage. Maybe your hand touching something sensitive? Be creative, and know that for every good photo, there are 50 bad ones. It takes time and practice.

Once you have an image you like, put a filter on it (nothing evens out skin tone like the Snapchat filters) and save them to your “My Eyes Only” folder. Rinse, repeat, and share as desired. Enjoy picturing yourself as a sexual female, with powerful desires. Take back the primal feminine, and slay the inner demons who would quell her.