Chivalry is dead and feminism is the prime suspect.

Let me start off by saying that I support the quest for an equal society where gender is merely an adjective. Women are equal to men in essence and in being and as such should be accorded similar rights and freedoms.

I tend to think of myself as a chivalrous guy (whatever that means). I cut women a lot more slack than I do men when some issues are concerned. Like if I see a woman carrying something heavy and I am in a position to help, I’ll carry it for her. Other times I hold doors open for women in situations where I’d normally let it close on a man. There are things I view as ‘men’s work’ which I tend to automatically take over when I see women do but it’s not because I deem myself superior to women or that I think women are weak. I just find myself reacting instinctively to defend and provide for women and children. Thinking about it, the biological origin of this behavior can probably be linked to the difference between male and female hormones whereby male hormones promote aggressive behavior and female hormones promote a more nurturing behavior.

Back in the old days, when a family found a suitable cave to live in, the man would scout the cave, make sure all was OK and only then would the woman and the children be allowed into the cave. After settling in the cave, the man would actively and continuously plan for the security of the rest of the family be it by building a fire to ward off wild animals or by sharpening his rock tool to fight off an enemy of the family. As evolution continued and men went from living in caves to mud hats and finally to apartment complexes, the man’s protective instinct stuck and so it was passed from one generation to the next. The weak and dependent nature of women was exemplified in all areas of life. In case of a life-threatening situation, it was a rule that the women and children were saved first because it was a chivalrous thing to do.

In this society where the woman’s survival largely depended on the man, the man was provided with a lot of bargaining power, enough to give him a superiority complex. To this man, women are weak and only exist to serve a subservient role to men and what’s to say it isn’t so when it clearly seems that way everywhere he looks.

Then came the push for gender equality and a rapid advance in technology. Suddenly, women could vote. Women could hold public office. Women could work and earn fair wages or equal pay. Women could own property and get an education. Women could enter contracts and have equal rights within marriage. Her input in the affairs of the society was now as important as his. His 70% was now less by a sizable percentage. Along with this change, nearly all the tasks that required the man’s masculine strength were eliminated by technology. A woman didn’t need a man anymore. Nowadays, it isn’t hard even for the meekest woman to live without a man and enjoy just about all the same benefits.

Feminism a.k.a gender equality has killed the chivalry that was based on a relationship between men and women that sprang from a very different social and cultural context. One that, like many other aspects of society, has changed drastically. This is not the stone age or the 14th Century so it would make sense that old and outdated rules of behavior and etiquette are done away with.

What do I think? I think chivalry is really about doing whatever needs to be done and appreciating any attempts at thoughtfulness from others. It shouldn’t only be a way to fulfill a gender specific ideational construct. Rather than focusing primarily on etiquette, we should focus on pragmatism for resolving questions about gender behavior. Treat all individuals with a degree of courtesy and consideration and forget the word ‘feminism’. What we’re looking for is simple egalitarianism.