source; tumblr

Is it love or lust?

It’s weird how I’m feeling this way. I mean, why am even feeling this? Our times together doesn’t even mean anything. It doesn’t even matter at all. But still, why does my heart feel, giddy, sad and maybe angry? No actually that’s frustration. Okay so why am I frustrated at him. I shouldn’t be. I’m not the type that falls in love or thinks I’m in love. I don’t believe in love. It’s just not my thing. I see love as an excuse people use to act foolish and stupid. Yes, I’ve been acting stupid around him and with him. We’ve fooled around a bit. Wait no ew, not that fooling around. Fooling around like eating ice-cream with buttered chicken on a Monday morning. Like wearing our clothes inside out and hanging around in the mall. Like drinking coffee on the beach while smoking fake cigarettes. You get the picture now. Well that’s how we fooled around. It was fun, I really enjoyed being with him. We laughed, talked about a lot of stuff, well mostly about the whole universe.

We teased each other, ate food together, and set each other up with other guys and girls. We even went to the point of telling each other our deepest darkest secret if you want to call it. And boy, I was shocked at what he told me. He was even surprised at what I told him. But no matter how bad, embarrassing, disgusting our secret was. We never judged each other. But what happened? Even I too don’t know what happened. Now I’m sitting in my room and pouring my feelings out and really thinking if I want him as a close friend or more than that.