Bae AF — S1-E02- The Pick up Artist

Julian Dylan : You burning tomaitoe ?

Bae AF : I don’t cook. Can’t you write English?

Julian Dylan : you steaming? you hot?

Bae AF : (Do I look like a bath?) Nope, I’m kind of cold. I’m always cold. I’m probably dead. What is this? The food porn channel?

Julian Dylan : I like to heat u We can make you hot?

Bae AF : (Omygod they are more than one. It’s a pack of horny illiterate teenagers) Why? Did you just finish chopping wood? How many are you?

Julian Dylan : just me I’m a handful? lol

Bae AF : ( I have no doubt. He’s schizophrenic, that’s more my type) You must be a lumberjack (throwing a three syllables word in is face. Heat that).

Julian Dylan : I’m an entrepreneur…

Bae AF : Of course you are. And you have way too much time on your hands (if we want to call it that) What are you building? Confidence? This conversation is not making me hot, at all

Julian Dylan : how can I make you steaming hot?

Bae AF : Don’t know, that was your idea. You come up with something (I have no shame)

Julian Dylan : can’t touch you from here? lol where are you at?

Bae AF : Small town, « Lousy Bush », near the Capital. Lots of people go there. They don’t come back.

Julian Dylan : we can try doin it, nothin beats flesh and boners tho, specially with that body of your lol Dam you fine!

Bae AF : (He’s lol-ing a lot, he must be high on pot. That explains the typos) That’s sweet.

Julian Dylan : I’m sayin it like it is, whatcha doin up there?

Bae AF : I live

Julian Dylan : SAY YOU GOT A MANE?

Bae AF : (I should, may be he’ll get off my back because I’m not getting on mine with him, not even in his mind) Yep, I got hair. Otherwise, I’d be cold. And bald.

Julian Dylan : man lol

Bae AF : Nope, not in the last couple of years.

Julian Dylan : are you serious? You must be itchy

Bae AF : (Classy) Cortisone power (I’m skipping the words “cream” or “tube” on purpose)

Julian Dylan : I don’t get it ?

Bae AF : I’m not surprised (just put the joint down and write me later if you can remember). Good thing you’re pretty… I’m a life coach/stylist for Transgender and Drag Queens. I help them bring up the woman in them, walk them through the transformation. My goal in life is to make the world a better place. Starting with turning men into better people.

Julian Dylan : you sooooo cute you need a man want my digits?

Bae AF : (what I Need is punctuation. Wondering if his smartphone was too expensive with extra comma and dot keys) This is too early, Julian. I don’t let guys get close easily, especially online.

Julian Dylan : I hear ya you don’t lick me?

Bae AF : I can’t tell. I don’t know you. We haven’t met.

Julian Dylan : that’s the hole point virtual can lead to real I feel you good love can move mountains

Bae AF : (hope his cooking is better than his poetry) Isn’t that a Celine Dion song ?

Julian Dylan : lol, no clue, see ya, I gotta heat the sack

Bae AF : (aaaaww he’s leaving after finally showing signs of culture) As you wish, good night.

Julian Dylan : c ya, want my digits?

Bae AF : No. I’m STEAMING