Hello! Yes, this is Medium. I know, I know. I mean me? writing on Medium? never have thought this day would come. But I think, this might be a good way for me to pour all my feelings and thoughts, through words. Since I’m also not good at English, let alone grammar, Let’s just say that this is my playground for my actual English practices and, Feelings.
Let’s just get straight to the point. Like some people in their 20s do, I’m currently fallen in love with my girlfriend. “Oh, That’s so sweet!”, nope. Wait a minute. I’m not saying that this kind of feeling is NOT sweet. In Fact, She’s the person that I’ve been waiting. But for how long? Haha — It’s. Freaking. 10. Years. Yes you hear it right! its been ten years since I knew her.
“If you really love that person, learn to wait. Maybe you are not meant to be together for today, but meant to be in the future.”
The quote above is the quote that I always hold at the back of my mind. But if have to be honest, apparently my actions isn’t all that “waiting”. Truth to be told, I had around 3 Ex GFs before I finally took my chance to confess. I always think that I’m not a guy that is really good at waiting, but guess what? — Actually I can.
I used to be a person people called a “Weaboo”. That refers to someone who’s actually addicted to the Japanese pop culture stuffs, which mainly is Anime. That might sounds weird to people, but I can see that people who actually loves anime is slowly being accepted to the communities — Since Anime are pretty reachable now Via Netflix or your other favourite streaming services. But putting that aside, turns out having an “unusual” hobbies could lead you to the love of your life.
2012 was the year I was in the first year of high school. Many people thinks that high school was the best time of their life, But for myself that’s not actually true. I was flagged, as a weirdo. Since I really loved watching my Anime and read my Manga. To be honest it wasn’t that bad. I still have some friends and I still hangout with them. Maybe, the flag was actually just my thoughts. The thoughts that really lower your self esteem slowly, and intoxicating you surely. That’s also why i love escaping from reality — hence this was part of the reason why i met her.
I once watched an Anime called “Durarara!”. Long story short, i was pretty mesmerized by that title, and there was this website called “Dollars” in the title. And yep, Someone’s actually make the website IRL. As a someone who’s loved durarara!, and someone who’s having a hard time socializing in high school (Plus, Introvert) , A website where we can chat with people throughout the world anonymously obviously piqued my interest at that time. There, in between hundreds of people chatting, i found her. In between hundreds of people there, we found out that we’re living in the same country. In a 1,904,569 square kilometers country, we found out that we’re only 10 Kilometers apart.
Obviously we talked a lot. Otherwise, i won’t put this story here. Turns out we sparked each other. It’s that feeling where we talk with a certain person, and suddenly we knew “He/She’s the person”. It was one of the best time of my life. Until she decided to confessed to me. And I was in disbelief. I doubted her feelings. I hesitated. I used an absurd excuse to reject her, and that decision was one of the worst decision I’ve made in life.
Throughout the years, we still talked. we were still connected. I just realized that, no matter how much i got hurt by my Exes, she’s the person i wanna go back to. Funny thing is — she’s a dazzling, beautiful, easy going person, which leads to? Of course! she was, always, got a boyfriend. Excruciating, awful, horrible, appalling thoughts always lingers on my mind. It felt like I just wasted my once in a lifetime chance.
“And yet my world remains the whole of you to this day, Doesn’t matter what my location says, I’m always tryna get to you…But shit just happens all the time” — Odds By Niki
The last time i remembered was, I wanted to try one more time. I wanted to be with her. I decided to play tinder, Since i was desperate. I was longing for someone who can love, whom i can share my thoughts and feelings. We still chat, through our lovely LINE app (a chatting app based from Japan). On that day, i asked her an advice. I was fascinated by a girl where her religion differs from mine. Her advice was, of course she said no. She wants me to think about it again, to know that it’ll be really hard to take it the relationship to the next step. But little did I know, that my happiness lies in her — and my happiness was taken as soon as she said to me that she’s just started a fresh from the oven relationship.
Another 3 Years had passed, and now its 2022. I was on the edge. My relationship with this girl from tinder was on the verge of breakups. Frustated and stressed, she came back to me. Asking for some silly cat advices. Coincidences? Consilience? or perseverance? I don’t wanna think too much. I was just happy that she reached out to me. She gave me advice about my relationship. And there was one quote from her that i still remember up until now before i broke up on my last relationship.
“This is just a small part of your life”
Indeed it was. But the last relationship taught me that we need to love ourselves before we try to love others. Your insecurities may drag you down, and it could affect your closest ones. I learned a lot on my flaws, but i also learned on how to love others correctly. I want my next relationship to be the last one, I want my next partner to be loved, I want my next partner to feel that she gets what she deserves. Thus, I confessed to her on our first “date”. It was kind of not reaching her because of her misunderstanding (LOL) but in the end, i get what i’ve been longing. I want to make her feel like she’s the luckiest girl in the world, where i already feel like I’m the luckiest guy in the world to be loved by her. Indeed, Waiting is unpleasant. Waiting can be suffering to you. But in the end, i didn’t regret of what i’ve been waiting after all this time. We may be scarred from our past, or maybe we still need time to fully accept each other, But relationships is all about give and take. Relationships is all about support, committed, love, and communicate. I’ve never been in a better relationship than the current one, and i think it’s because of our experiences and past — We’re ready to love each other.
Who would’ve thought, that a certain special someone is actually someone that’s been close to you all this time, and know you for a long time? Who would’ve thought that i could be with the person i’ve been waiting for all these time? It’s funny. But do i hate it? do i hate all the waiting? if it’s for her, then the answer is No.
Thank you for reading this! ❤
“All things come to him who waits- provided he knows what he is waiting for.” ―Woodrow Wilson