Trapped in Elon’s Mansion Part 7: a cybercomedy in Shakespearean verse
Last year, Elon Musk and I got into a fight on Twitter. And this? This is my revenge.
PART 7 (ACT 1.3.0)
[ENTER SIRI, GRIMES, AND JAY Z]
Hello Claire, Master Carter’s on his way.
Our good lord finds himself much entangled
In the business thrust of New York City.
No Siri, I have taken no offence —
For Jay, I’d come to any finger’s curl.
Claire, it seems all ten do come at you now.
[ENTER JAY Z]
Claire, forgive my any second’s lateness
Siri, I need water. Claire — dost thou thirst?
I have thirst, but dost thou have its answer?
If it is for coffee or tea, I do.
I’ll take tea.
Which? And how is it taken?
Jay, thou wouldst know by now my palette’s shade.
Siri, fetch Claire’s usual.
No, Siri, and that’s the new usual.
Dost thou renounce mixing an old friend’s drink
Like the mixing of business and leisure?
Claire, I politely ask you tame your tongue.
Fair Siri, shut your ears and cross your eyes.
Thou said thou hast hired Azealia Banks
And for a verse offered a half gold’s bar.
Claire, I’ll freely give thee a half gold’s bar
Than to ever be again in business
With that two-eyed tropical hurricane.
Jay Z! Surely thou pulls my gangled legs!
Undeniable: Banks has mighty pipes.
(Dancing, singing, rapping — the triple threat.)
But all her threats surpass the wanted three.
Thou maligns her for being difficult?
Jay, of thee I would have expected more
Than to disabuse me citing “Diva!”
I cannot fathom a single diva
Who has burned as many partners as Banks.
I’ll take Titians’s brilliant vermilions —
Richer in red than russeted sunsets
(However mercury-doused that they be);
Or a van Gogh munching his leaden brush —
Sneaking tipples from a turpentine dish…
Art thou Claire Boucher or Miss Walter White?
Unlecture my ears of this chemistry.
No. Uncommon colour comes at a cost.
With all my gold I canvas thee: not hers.
I will dip my brush in Azealia’s pot,
And whatever might come, will come from it.
Then hire the mark hoped remarkable.
Thou art a most gentlest patron, Jay.
[EXEUNT GRIMES & JAY Z]