Making plans with someone who carries trauma? Read this first.

This caption from @theartidote has been in my head all day. Naturally I felt the need to write about it.
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Stating the obvious, because it’s #relatableAF. I am that person. I idealise and “pedestalise” the fuck outta people for the smallest acts of human decency.
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But, more importantly, it made me think about an alternative (but equally relatable) scenario: when someone knows that you have been mistreated/abused, but then puts you in particular situations without considering how they might trigger you. I know we cannot expect people to read our minds or know all our triggers/trauma, but at the same time I have been put in situations where I felt unsafe, scared and uncomfortable by people who were well aware of my past. It could well be that they just didn’t think of it. Or they just didn’t care about me enough to consider it. But although one may be a simple oversight and the other a lack of respect, both have the same outcome: the responsibility falls to me to resolve it. This usually means I either have to actively bring up/remind them of the trauma and how the current situation is affecting me, or I suck it up and then afterwards have to deal with the fallout – a trashed adrenal system. Both can be pretty damn painful and exhausting.
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With that, I implore you. If you are making plans/spending time with someone you know has suffered trauma – not just mistreatment/ abuse, but any trauma – please stop and take a moment to consider: will they be comfortable? If you’re in doubt, ask, don’t assume. If they say no, be prepared with alternatives. And definitely don’t coerce or force them into something after they’ve already told you they don’t feel comfortable (that goes for anyone FYI). I’m not asking you to baby people or walk on eggshells around them. I’m simply asking you to be proactive. Considerate. Compassionate. Human.
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I carry my trauma with me all the time.
I frequently have to manage everyday situations, including my interactions with others, around it.
It’s a part of me I wish I could erase or escape from, but I can’t.
Sometimes, it would be nice to have the logistics appropriately taken out of my hands, even for just for a little while.
