“I wonder how much of what weighs me down is not mine to carry”

I remember my class 10th exams, they were considered of extreme importance back then. My teacher came up to me one day and said “Work hard this year, it will all get sorted after this.” Little did I know the real exchange of life was up for a start. I was promoted to class 11th, my tuition teacher asked me to wait after the class. He spoke to me in private and repeated the golden words “Work hard this year, it will all get sorted after this”. Following the mantra I was promoted to my LIFE CHANGING grade 12th,my parents and I had a delicious dinner and later that night during the family talk they said the unexpected “Work hard this year, it will all get sorted after this”.

I am now about to graduate from my college but the preface of every chapter of my life has someone who says these golden words to me. Initially when I sat down I found it so astonishing and sad but after some adjustments here and there I came to realize how neither are we accustomed nor are we prepared to take in reality at once that the struggle never ends. There is no tomorrow because whenever we get up it becomes today. Is it wrong? The 16 year old I would shout from the hilltop “YES”.

But now, I would sip my regular drink and pass the question on for I know we need short term assistance to get us going. We have become habitual to comforting ourselves with small little assurances because we don’t have the courage to come up front with the reality and when we do, we lose our shit.

Life is and always will be about finding little instances to smile in between the harsh circumstances. We cannot give it all a destination and put a boundary on when can we finally be happy. There never will be a perfect destination, it is about living this imperfect journey with imperfect people between imperfect moments. Now is the time to apologize to ourselves for submerging in the state of panic, for allowing ourselves to self destruct for so many years. There is a person inside of us who deserves all the kindness. The problems we think will change our lives ahead turn out to be of zero relevance after some years.

(My 10th mark sheet is a great example)

“If you absolutely can’t stay positive, don’t go negative, just cruise neutral for a while until you get back up.”

Problems are inevitable and working hard to get out of them is unavoidable. The trick stated back in our school days was not to fool us after all. It was to remind us to look ahead on shorter roads and cover the journey than to keep accounting for all that lies ahead and get worked up.

Situations will only get tougher to deal with. After a while we would feel embarrassed in accepting them to be ours and we would stop sharing them with the closest people around but what we often miss is that the sample size we have around us is beyond our imagination. There is no better comfort than the comfort of sharing and there are no better words than “I understand”.

We need to be the authors to our stories and for experiencing that journey we need to respect ourselves enough to walk away from conversations, people and things that do not add to our happiness or our growth.

We need to inculcate sensitivity in ourselves. To be someone’s reason to smile or to be someone’s reason to forget the monotony is a feeling second to none.

“You sometimes think you want to disappear but all you really want is to be found.”

Don’t let the 99 issues you have turn down that 1 reason to get up and get going.

You’re a fighter, a sensitive fighter. You can be the person the world is in awe of.

Live up to it.

I hope your heart is well and is adventurously beating.

There is light at the end of the tunnel