Can traditional arranged marriages stand the test of time?
Trust, tolerance and passion towards each other are the basis or traits of long lasting relationships. Marriages are no more than a societal recognition that should be given only to those who walk towards attaining these traits in their relationships. Marriages are more than cooking, they need that additional flavour of good temperament which can change the essence of the end result.
Relationships in odd arranged marriages are driven by caste priorities and social statuses. They are more influenced by external factors like family, age, society and appear to have fewer concerns about the couple’s priorities and interests. Couples get acquainted to the occasion even before they know that they are only going through the formal process for the sake of it.
Relationships in love marriages are driven by intuitional love and sheer passion. With an option always open to breakup when the relationship doesn’t work, these relationships survive and get stronger only by unconditional love.
Love marriages experience certain emotional moments during the course of the relationship. These are moments when either of the two wins the trust of the other. These are moments when the duo feels secure in their relationship. These moments are acts of selfless devotion towards each other because they are unconditional and happen more intuitively. These moments help them realise certain qualities in their relationship such as honesty, passion and conviction. These moments are very crucial because when the relationship is on the verge of breakup at a later point due to mediocrity in thoughts, these are the moments in the form of memories that will reunite and prevent the couple from parting ways. In other words, these moments are real assets and investments of love marriages with an exponentially growing value.
On the contrary, there is no glimpse of possibilities for such moments in arranged marriages before the day of marriage or at least in the first few months after marriage just because these relationships start from scratch and those crucial moments can be part of true and matured relationships only.
Love marriages are already halfway through at the time of marriage since the couple has already lived and assessed their compatibilities even before they are connected officially by 'marriage’.
Love marriages that are unsuccessful and end up in divorce cannot be categorized under genuine relationships because they lack maturity. They don’t go through the phase which genuine and matured relationships do. These relationships are immature and don’t qualify for argument.
Though majority of the marriages in a country like India are arranged, a traditional arranged marriage can't be considered Ideal and don't come close to matured love marriages because they are not complete. A genuine relationship with mutual understanding recognized completely by the society should be the Ideal marriage.
Couples who do arranged marriages see marriage as a point where they start a new life with a new person, with all hopes to realise their dreams.
Couples who do love marriages, see marriage as a new platform where they come close together and work even more passionately towards realizing their dreams. Relationships here start with a strong foundation that has been already laid while in arranged marriages they start only with a hope to build such foundation.
If there is something that can make relationships stand the test of time, then that can only be trust and passion, and not money or fate, otherwise there is no meaning in the existence of such relationships.
The process that love marriages go through is equivalent to watching a romantic thriller on the first day of release at the silver screen. They will have all the awe, suspense and excitements. On the other hand, the process that traditional arranged marriages go through are equivalent to watching a (commercial masala) remade film after you had watched the original version. You know what will happen next with predictable scenes without any suspense.
Entering into a relationship via marriage without mutual understanding is equivalent to walking in a dark forest with a hope for light somewhere someday, after all more than a third of your valuable lifetime is at stake!
You can’t select your parents and children, but you CAN select your life companion.
Arranged marriage is such a funny concept, all your life you are taught not to speak with strangers and suddenly you are asked to sleep with one.