What Autistic Burnout Feels Like For Me.

I was diagnosed autistic in August of 2023. I’m currently 38, female, high masking, level one ASD, and working on processing through years of hiding myself to survive. As I write this I’m in a deep state of burnout. Here’s what that feels like for me:

My body feels extremely heavy. Not fat. HEAVY. It takes a huge conscious effort just to move any part of it, get up from bed, get the dogs out, make food, do anything. Even to go pee. It’s like every part of my body is filled with cement.

Extremely tired but also wired. Can’t formulate thoughts, process feelings, seeking stimulation that will regulate my nervous system but at the same time feel incredibly overwhelmed by all the input around me. Frustrated when I can’t find anything that can help regulate (like certain music/a song to loop, a movie or video to loop, someone or something to research ((special interest)).

Afraid to rest. Afraid to sleep. Feeling like I won’t be able to recover if I let the ship fully sink. Afraid to change my routines because I rely on them so heavily to keep my days functioning. If I sleep I might miss one of them and that thought greatly stresses me out. There’s no one to pick up the slack. It’s just me. And I feel extreme levels of pressure to keep myself functioning.