5 ex-Man United players who are now weirdos🤪

The Sir Alex era was a fun and joyous time of my life, for obvious reasons.

I can’t say the same for the rest of my family (Arsenal fans) — most of them were miserable, and that’s exactly how I wanted it.

Title after title after title — Sir Alex specialised at recycling teams, rebuilding squads and challenging for the top honours year in, year out. In contrast to an idealistic coach like Guardiola, who’s more about the principles of the team and the technical set-up, Sir Alex’s strengths were more about his man management.

Whereas today’s dominant Man City team is built on the principles of possession football first implemented by Johan Cruyff, Sir Alex’s title-winning United sides were built on a core group of consummate professionals who understood that winning wasn’t an achievement, it was an expectation, and second place was never acceptable.

Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes and Gary Neville are the three most decorated title winners in Premier League history

It wasn’t just Sir Alex’s instilling of the drive to win into our DNA, it was his ability to run a tight ship that kept his teams on mission. Patrice Evra details a story of how United were once two up against Tottenham Hotspur with the fullback being United’s standout performer. At half-time, Sir Alex bollocked Evra in front of the entire dressing room, and at full-time, the score was four-nil.

The next day, Sir Alex would explain that he wasn’t actually dissatisfied with Evra’s performance, rather he had wanted to send a message to the rest of the team — particularly the showboating Cristiano Ronaldo — that if the best player wasn’t safe, then none of them were.

There was even a rumour that he paid off the bouncers of every major nightclub in Manchester, and if a player were to show up at the door, within minutes Sir Alex would get a phone call. And, of course, we can’t forget the infamous time the Scotsman kicked a football boot into David Beckham’s head after losing an FA Cup tie against Arsenal.

But anyways, I’m gassing Sir Alex up too much. My point is, some of the players who won the most for us sacrificed the most. Some, like Cristiano Ronaldo, sacrificed their diet — refraining from eating unhealthy foods or intaking intoxicants in order to maintain peak performance, some sacrificed their social lives and some even sacrificed a teeny, tiny bit of their sanity.

I’m The Avcrage Joe and here are five ex-Man United players who are certified weirdos now:

5. Roy Keane

Who doesn’t love “Box-Office Roy”?

As his little nickname suggests, you can expect one thing when Roy Keane is on Sky Sports — entertainment. He’s blunt, he says things how they are (or how he sees them at least) and he’s hardly ever impressed with anything.

The wild thing about Roy is how seriously he takes his punditry. Once in a while, Micah Richards will get a smirk out of him, but for the most part, when you look into the whites of his eyes, it seems that the beast that he was known for in his playing career is lurking just beneath the surface…

What’s your favourite version of Roy Keane? I liked “Lockdown Roy” when he grew his beard out and started slagging off De Gea😂

4. Rio Ferdinand

Love a bit of Rio, me. Pause.

Arguably the best central defender that this league has ever seen, certainly the most decorated.

Winning six titles and a Champions League at the heart of Manchester United’s defence is no small feat, one that puts Ferdinand in the ilk — and arguably beyond — the likes of John Terry and Sol Campbell.

He’s also, although nobody seems to want to admit it, a textbook narcissist.

Footballers bigging themselves up for the camera is nothing new, of course, but — and I cannot stress this enough — when Rio makes a bold claim about his quality as a player, he’s being deadly serious. I still remember the time Virgil van Dijk asked Rio who he thought made the Premier League’s all-time top five centre halves, and his answer was:

“I was number one. Winning, best as a player, and attributes as well. I would say that. That’s the easy decision.”

With the likes of Sol Campbell, Vidic, Jaap Stam, John Terry and Carvalho to choose from, Rio said “I’m the best” with literally zero hesitation. When asked how much he thought he’d be worth in today’s market, Rio claimed that “100m would be cheap for me”. 💀

3. Patrice Evra

Alexa, define “main character”.

I feel like everybody has an Uncle who is basically just Patrice Evra. I actually have an Uncle called Patrick as well.

Once upon a time, Evra was one of Europe’s finest fullbacks, dominating England and Europe as a cog in Sir Alex’s engine. Now, he’s in his own little world and totally unapologetic about it. This guy turned up to the Etihad in a bright red suit to watch Man City clash Real Madrid in the Champions League and then started a fight with the Etihad staff when they ended up winning 4–0💀.

He doesn’t just eat Old Trafford grass and tenderly kiss raw chicken, he does it on camera and posts it!

Absolute maniac.

2. Paul Scholes

Scholes is quite impressive in that two years ago, I wouldn’t have put him on this list.

Up until recently, his only crime has been ageing poorly. The fella looks like melted ice cream these days, but that takes nothing away from the quality of his game as a box-to-box midfielder.

Scholes really was that guy — his long-range passing, his striking of the ball, y’all remember that goal against Barcelona. Them Scholesy Screamers were a force to be reckoned with.

In October of 2021, however, a shocking video hit the internet. One that appeared to depict the former Manchester United midfielder enthusiastically sucking on his daughter Alicia’s toes. As if that statement already doesn’t raise enough questions, why on Earth did she post it??

1. Ryan Giggs

Couldn’t be anyone else if we’re being totally honest.

It’s fitting that the Premier League’s most decorated player is also the biggest weirdo probably to ever wear a Manchester United shirt. Ryan Giggs not only has the most titles under his belt of any player, he also leads the charts for most assists too.

It’s not close, either, with a fifty-one “point” gap on second-placed Cesc Fabregas. Giggs was remarkable on and off the pitch, from having more hair on his chest at sixteen than I have on my head at twenty-four, to shagging his brother’s wife for eight years.

Take a moment to actually think about how long eight years is.

Eight years ago, Avengers: Age of Ultron had just come out and Jeremy Clarkson was still presenting Top Gear💀.

If you enjoyed this list, kindly follow The Average Joe on Twitter or Medium for daily(ish) posts about Manchester United and other things!