I define myself by others’ perception

That is one seemingly small flaw, we are all guilty of it at one time or another I suppose. My self-worth (or if we are to be fully honest there is very little SELF involved,) is deeply rooted in my co-dependency. I measure my value on how well I love and care for others. My needs are rarely a priority for myself and I feel the weight of it.

I had a quick and intense friendship develop with someone who triggered my codependency so deeply that I am still lifting each stone off of me, like the spirit-crushing weight it was. The husband and I are moving to Utah, I have lived in Tucson my entire life. I never thought I would move away but I am.

If I am to be completely honest about how I feel I am excited and terrified. My mom had a radical double mastectomy in late December. She was diagnosed with stage 3b/c inflammatory breast cancer, she will have to most likely do another year of chemotherapy and possibly a month of radiation. And I am moving away, it is 12–13 hour drive. I feel guilty, she told me not to but I feel this deep, guilt and fear. What if she doesn’t get better? Who will take her to chemo? I have been my mom’s guide to being a patient. And to being bald I suppose too.

Sometime happy things can also be deeply sad.

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