my god, what a wonderful post. I was sure I didn’t want kids, after the upbringing I’d had. then, one day when I was 25, I was passing an ethnic store with all kinds of confirmation clothes for tiny kids — and found myself staring at a pair of tiny shiny black dressup baby shoes, with a tiny strap.
I had no interest at all in the stuff I was looking at — but I suddenly knew I wanted a baby. and when I could afford it, I had one, and never looked back.
I don’t think it’s a rational thing, Emma. I think we just know when the time comes, whenever that is. when I was staring at those shoes, I’d been going to school to learn how to work with kids with problems, and was gaining a lot of understanding of how families can go wrong. I think that somehow the female part of me had clued in that it was safe for me to have a child. and it sounds like you needed, and did, get into a place where it was safe for you.
don’t listen to what anyone says about this, including me. :)