Experiences like these are common enough among families of all socioeconomic standings.
As kids, these messages are internalized and impact mamy choices we make throughout the life span.
Some people continue to live in the shadow of unfulfilled, or abusive parents while others pick up the dynamic and whip themselves mercilessly.
For myself, I have had the gift of grace to forgive those folks who were my parents.
Well into my adult life, I inflicted more emotional scars as any I had received as a child. (Much of my own pain was a result of interacting with my siblings.)
In retrospect, I understand them more than I ever dreamed possible, or desirable.
Growing up in the disease of alcoholism, while overwhelming to children, has created an adult with a great capacity for compassion, appropriate forgiveness (this is done for ME, not the other person) and a level of empathy for others which the Clintons and Trumps of this world will never know.
To your credit, you write about these experiences for others recognize as their own, perhaps.
Thanks for being willing.