I, too, know the longing for a “family” composed of rational people who love and support each other.
Having never had such a family while growing up, it was a challenge for me to choose the best surrogates. Trial and error, really.
I am approaching my 60th birthday.
I am my own best advocate and am surrounded by friends who respect me. They also practice self care and self love.
We are the family many of us never jad due to alcoholism in a parent.
(Sounds like your Mom might have been effected by alcoholism, too. Her parents or grandparents may have been drinkers or she may have driven off to treat her own agonizing soul.)
In any event, there is help and hope.
I am here.