Becoming Real

My son and I were in the car, on his way to school recently. Somehow, I was discussing The Velveteen Rabbit, and I started talking about the process of “real.” As I read the passage, I stopped suddenly.
You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Sharp edges? Check.
Break easily? Check.
Need to be carefully kept? Check….
Sigh!!! Suddenly, many of my issues with dating, friends, people, etc. were crystal clear.
My background as the daughter of an abusive alcoholic, and a submissive, overly permissive mother raised me to be more delicate than I want to be. I’m fragile. I’m resilient in many ways, but somehow, my feelings are always so close to the surface. I can’t quite figure out how to toughen up.
Trust me, I’m working on it. I’ve been doing all the self-help, and working with a life coach. I’m trying to learn how to relate better to others, and taking improv classes. I’m trying to learn to get out of my own way.
I’m trying to remember that I am worthy; I am real already. This is not easy at all. But I’m going to keep trying. I hope I find some sandpaper to wear down those sharp edges, and strengthen myself so that I don’t break quite so easily.