5 Things I would Tell My 21 Years Old Self. Part 2

I’m so excited as I type this. Part 1 in this series has been read by 43 people so far and I am overwhelmed. I was so scared to put the post out that it literally sat in drafts for almost 3 weeks and after a jolting sermon in church I was like, you know what? I’m going to just do this. I had procrastinated too much, it was time to act and I’m so happy I did.

Before I talk too much again, here’s the second thing I would tell 21 years old Barbara.

2. No matter how you feel Barb, go to church.

I’ve always been a church girl. I grew up in the church and was involved in all kinds of activities. I always thought I was going to get married as a virgin sef. If you read Part 1 of this series then you will know how that worked out. LOL. If you’re a practicing christian then you will know that pre-marital sex like any other sin comes with plenty demons: guilt, paranoia, jealousy, lying, distrust, unwanted pregnancies, STIs (don’t be scared I only suffered from the first 2 mostly) even low self esteem (as a result of constantly feeling like a booty call,nobody’s fault but mine because I chose to put myself in such situations) etc.

Now if you grew up a church girl/boy the feeling of guilt will be familiar. You feel dirty because you know you’re doing the wrong thing, sex outside the bonds of marriage is outside God’s will but you don’t think you can ever stop so you avoid church as much as you can. That’s what I did. I went to church only when I felt I needed a quick fix of holiness.

Even when I did find a church I enjoyed attending when I was in Uni, I always had excuses about why I couldn’t go. I should have gone in spite of my guilt or laziness because I did and still do love God so much. I knew my morning devotions and spare prayer and fasting life did not cut it. I was still empty. My standards were as low as my self esteem. I was a lip service Christian, sitting on the fence. I had not discovered my identity in Christ because I wasn’t in the right places and I was focused on the wrongest things. I constantly settled for less in relationships, friendships and personal development was non-existent.

I would have told young Barbz that no matter how she felt, she should have gone to church; Sunday services, mid week services and cell group meetings. The word of God is sharper than a two edged sword. It pierces the hearts it falls on. The word is supernatural in its transformation and it can change a life when the heart is open to receiving it. She would have found herself becoming who God wanted her to be and all the things she didn’t think she could do or let go off she would have overcome. If she stayed in His presence she would learn to hear His voice for herself. I would tell her that she was in for the greatest thrill and adventure of a lifetime if she could just be still and let God take the wheel.

I’m most excited about the fact that with God it can never be too late. We’re always right on time to Him. All it takes is a little faith, a little trust, a little prayer, one Sunday service, one prayer meeting, one live streamed service, one Youtube sermon, one cell group meeting at a time and before we know it, we are totally transformed. The best decision I ever made was choosing a side and getting off that fence. Choosing to do life with God holding my hand than me doing it alone. Getting planted in a church where I am fed the undiluted word every week. I wish I had done it earlier than 2015 but I’m so so happy that I was still right on time.