JAWS Stole 3 Years of my Life
Watching JAWS when I was 8 kinda screwed me up. I know, I know…what kind of parent would like their kid watch JAWS when they were 8? It wasn’t their fault, I was at my grandma’s house. Fear is a real thing for kids, and in an adults eyes, fears can seem silly and unjustified. It’s just a movie right? We brush off their fears, laugh at them, sometimes torture them (please don’t throw me in the deep end)!. It is silly! The chances of being killed by a shark are 3,748,647. You have a greater chance of being killed by fireworks, or a deer.
Every child has that one fear that stems from an experience when they were young that traumatizes them in a way parents cannot understand. JAWS is mine. I could swim when I was 8, and I loved the water. However, after JAWS, I didn’t get back into any body of water again until I was 11 years old. 3 years! Not even a swimming pool or bath tub…I was even a little scared in the shower. I did eventually get through my fear enough to get back into a pool (not the deep end)…but I was on high alert, you just never know. Jaws stole 3 years of my life from me.
Fast forward to 17 years old. I flew across the country from Washington to Massachusetts to be a nanny on Cape Cod (long story). I found myself standing on THE BEACH that had been gripping my imagination for so long. The JAWS beach. I lived there. I would play with the kids in the shallow water, with extreme fear wrapped around me constantly.
One morning I was feeling exceptionally brave, and decided to get up at the crack of dawn and face my fear. I was going to go for a morning swim on THE BEACH where THE SHARK was, ALONE. I needed to JUST DO IT. In my mind, I swam gracefully for hours, but in reality it was probably a matter of minutes, and none of it was graceful. I was feeling quite brave and proud of myself. My heart rate was about 446, but I did it. I could put all my fear away, and move on. As I moved back to shore, I set my feet down on the bottom, gratefully coming back to shallow water, and I had a surge of pain rip through my foot. I had been bit. You know how they say Jesus walked on water? Well, I believe it, because I think I did. The panic attack that ensued was a hard one to top. I flew onto the beach to see if I still had a foot attached. On my toe was a tiny little cut…microscopic and barely bleeding. I had either been bitten by a crab, or stepped on something sharp. I felt ridiculous. I smiled, as I knew that I had just felt the fear and did it anyway, and I was stronger. I would go swimming again, and each time my comfort zone would become bigger. I was brave enough to go into the water carrying my 50 ton fear, face it, and get through it. It was exposure therapy. I’m sure there were sharks in the water with me, but they probably were saying ‘watch out, there’s Barbie!’
Often I have to remind myself of the fact that there is a lot that goes on in a young child’s mind to form belief systems. I have a tendency to push my child’s real fears away, because it doesn’t seem logical. How can he be afraid of a roly poly bug? Their fears are as real as mine was with JAWS.
Imagine that you have a magnifying glass. Hold that up to your child’s fears, we can see clearly how big it can get through their lens. We have to acknowledge those fears, and help face them slowly and gently to work through them. I believe that even a young child can conceptualize what being in their comfort zone feels like. They know what it feels like to be uncomfortable, and that is when they are growing and learning. That uncomfortable part is the learning zone, and if you stay there long enough, the comfort zone can catch up. Keeping them out of the panic zone is highly recommended. Explain to kids the importance of discomfort and learning to develop positive characteristics. No matter their age, they can understand it.
Overcoming our fears, or at least managing them, is a process that can be taught and learned. Unfortunately after writing this, I have a new fear of fireworks and deer to conquer.
Barbie Collins Young is a life coach (liveitupcoach.com), youth mental health first aid trainer, and advocate for de-stigmatizing Mental Health. She works with youth and parents experiencing emotional and mental health issues and crisis. She also does parent and youth workshops to educate about mental health. Her work is focused around building positive coping skills, and creating healthy conversations and environments to talk about it.