The Holy Caliphate of Bullengarook

You gather here today to listen and to heed…I declare from the mouths of our one and many gods today a caliphate that stretches across the ancient lands of Bullengarook and Gisborne and Riddels Creek and Bachuss Marsh.

The people of these lands have for centuries railed against those who would seek to displace us inshallah.. the unworthy the unwashed from close …from Melton and from Sunbury and from afar – the southern tribes of Bayswater and Carnegie — for we of the Calipha are one people…we revere the bbq and the swatting of flies, our call to prayer is the Saturday afternoon football on ABC radio, our women folk are doing as they must do, shunting between kindergartens and landcare groups and gyms and ozkick clinics, arrayed in bikins and mini skirts and long boots when the rains come ..insha allah and we spend weekends fiddling about in the shed, chopping wood Insha allah and watching the skies for the rains that must come in the long summers that parch us and that make us strong..

..and we, this day take up arms against those who would come into our midst with bad deeds in their hearts and the prospect of mischief across our paddocks and our hills, the infidels of weekend bed and breakfasters, the garden gazers, those who pothole our roads and our bridges, the kangaroo spotters and the horseshit prospectors who comb our neighbourhoods for the dollar a bag specials on weekends and public holidays…these are they who cannot go unpunished

so let us come together as one people and slay those who stand against us in the righteous and holy caliphate of greater Bullengarook.

#barefootdigital