For me, my biological father was an alcoholic, abusive, manipulative person. He was so toxic for my mother, my brother and I that we cut him completely out of our lives. Now that I am older and I know more about childhood abuse in India and about mental health issues that are only exacerbated by alcohol I wonder what his true motivations were.
Hey Ivy.. exact story i can relate to… still working on it.. in the F.. u.. phase.. dont know when i will get to the Forgive u phase….but you talked about how you saw and accepted him .. i guess you accepted him and try to love him for who it is EVEN if you dont like his beliefs, way of loving and his attitude and what he did and say before right…
Oh Ivy, a perfectly curated piece to land on. The timing of this in my life experience has a measured amount of wisdom that will never be able to be explained. Thank you for your openness and willingness to show a vulnerability to us readers that quietly asks us to check in, be open and most importantly, do the work. Inviting much feeling as I read…
There are different reasons why parents often struggle with intimacy. They might have experienced trauma themselves (e.g. an attachment disorder). Experiences of poverty often causes lifelong fears that come through as anger due to a sense of powerlessness.
I love this! I too have a strained relationship with my father. The fact that you were about to accept him for the way he is and forgive him makes you a strong person. I’m not that strong just yet.
That’s a major step to get to I’m glad that you finally got to that point in your life and started to realize that working on yourself is the most important. I to have had things said to me that I’m not sad or angry about anymore but still trying to figure out why it was said and where’d it came from. Thank you for being open and sharing your story with us!
I had a similar experience with an angry father, dated men like him, then finally forgave him, knowing that he had suffered a lack of love himself. The compassion I felt for him relieved my pain, too. Thanks for sharing.