Why “Tinder for Friends” is a Terrible Idea
Finding friends is not like finding dates
Whenever I tell people the premise of my startup, Krewe, they perk up and excitedly proclaim that they always thought there should be something like Tinder, but for finding new friends. My immediate response is always the same: No, it’s not a “Tinder for friends.”
Krewe is an entirely different approach than just a Tinder clone marketed towards making friends, because the way people naturally make friends is very different from the way people find dates.
There’s been somewhat of a proliferation of apps trying to be the “Tinder for friends” recently. There is no doubt that trying to make friends as an adult is incredibly difficult, and the results of loneliness are absolutely devastating.
But the problems with their “Tinder for friends” are thusly:
Superficial Judgements
First, there’s a pretty good reason why we judge potential sexual partners by their looks. Appearances play a major role in attraction.
But, fortunately, they have a much smaller role in platonic relationships. So while it makes sense that profile pictures are font-and-center on Tinder, it’s a bit ridiculous that they would remain so prominent when appearances matter so little when making friends.
Every review of these new “Tinder for friends” apps have noted how awkward and bizarre it is to be judge (and be judged by) potential friends based entirely on their profile pictures. People are a lot less picky about who they’re friends with than who they date. We are, after all, allowed to have multiple friends.
In my experience, mature adults are quite capable of getting along with most anyone. Contrary to children and teenagers who haven’t done anything unique with their lives yet, adults benefit from a wealth of life experiences, and sharing stories of those experiences makes it easy to hold down interesting conversations with pretty much anyone willing to listen. You don’t need to find the “right” person for you, nor someone who shares your interests (although, most people do like food, movies, music, etc.).
Singling People Out
Second, meeting up with a stranger for a one-on-one “friend-date” can still be a bit awkward. It can be uncomfortable to maintain a long conversation with a person you just met. And asking someone new to hang out over and over again for one-on-one interactions is a bit too close to actually dating someone.
If you consider how most friendships are formed, it’s clear that most are not from a one-on-one setting — they emerge out of group setting. When we were young, we made friends from the people who we had classes with, or were on our sports team, or who lived on our dorm hall, or were in our fraternity/sorority. It was so easy for us to make friends then, despite having much poorer social skills, because we were in a comfortable environment.
It’s easier to be part of a group conversation where you’re not required to open up and reveal a lot about your self, or even say that much. You can take your time to warm up to people before exposing yourself. And it’s definitely easier to ask people to hang out as a group than to single out a single person you’re not really close with yet.
A group of friends is one of those situations where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. When everyone is friends with everyone else, you create a dynamic that helps produce a sense of unity and a culture. So even if you’re not terribly fond of any one particular person in the group, you can still strong relationship with the group as a whole.
Lack of Access Kills All Friendships
Third, persistence is really important in forming real friendships with people. There’s a difference between meeting people and actually getting to know them and forming a lasting friendship with them.
We meet thousands of people over the course of our lives, but form meaningful relationships with only a few. That’s because we often don’t have good access to them. It was easy to become close friends with the kids at school because you had to see them everyday. But if nothing’s keeping you attached to someone, you’re very likely to just drift away.
Compounding the situation is that everyone is busy and no one has the time to trek across the city through traffic to hang out with some they don’t know that well. Even those that have really close friends living in their city know how hard it is to meet up with them on a regular basis. It can often take weeks and dozens of texts to figure out when you can meet up.
Befriending people who live too far away is of no use to you. So, if you’re going to make new friends with someone, then it should be with people you have easy access to. That means they should live close by so that you can get together really often without much planning.
Krewe is something different
Krewe addresses all these issues, and has a very different feel than your average “Tinder for friends” as a result. There’s no choosing who’s in your group, you’re just placed in one, and you’re kind of stuck with it. Groups are limited to six people and everyone in the group lives within a half mile of each other, making it comfortable and convenient to meet up frequently and build up great relationships.
That’s a formula that replicates how we made friends when we were young, and has the best chance of actually helping make a close, meaningful friends.
But Krewe is about more than helping you make a few friends. It’s about giving you access to a powerful network so that you can become connected with your local community, find romantic partners, succeed in your career and have an incredible social life. Over time, it allows you to expand your group to help you meet and befriend dozens of people in your neighborhood, making all of that possible.
Making new friends as an adult shouldn’t be hard, it just needs to be done in the right way. A “Tinder for friends” app is not the right way. Krewe is an entirely new approach that’ll actually work.
