IN EARLY 2020, as the novel coronavirus raged across China and found purchase in the decadent farfalle-infested hellhole of Northern Italy, I was one of the first to call for strict lockdown measures to ensure the safety of the American public. While you plebes were (probably) talking about how “based” and “litty” it would be to have a global pandemic, I was a voice in the wilderness, my courageous but lonely warnings unheeded at great cost. Now, with nearly a million Americans dead over the past two years, I stand before you to solemnly say: enough is enough.
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Wait, you thought I meant enough death?? No no no no, my sweet summer child. My little terror-beguiled naïf. I meant enough of these bullshit restrictions! It’s time to get Back To Normal.
Now some of you freaks might point to the fact that pretty much every truly onerous pandemic restriction ended in like, late spring of 2020, and that commercial travel, school, indoor dining, casinos, churches, conventions, sex parties, concerts, college football games with over 100,000 people all using the same bathroom, and basically every possible thing you could do in America before the pandemic are all not only permitted, but attended by only the barest and most perfunctory references to the existence of the disease at all as evidence that I’m completely full of shit and angry for no reason. An ordinary…
