How to Make Your Marriage Work

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve spent a lot time trying to figure out if this person is the one you want to the spend your life with. Every moment you spend together is amazing and fun. You get each other. Who knew you could spend countless hours with someone and have absolutely no expectations?

Finally, you get married. You have a romantic ceremony and all you can see when you close your eyes is “happily ever after”.

In a short time, you suddenly feel uncomfortable — vulnerable, even. Many experience an emotional rollercoaster the first few months of marriage. It appears to be a lot more work than the couple prepared for. Being introduced into a new environment and culture can cause shock here and there.

I know that with my own marriage, the first couple years were a bit challenging.

At first, we put our own comfort first.

× Our point of views and morals differed.

× Daily routines were conflicted.

× Some things felt like an inconvenience.

Then, we became overly sensitive.

× “It’s not supposed to be like this.”

× Every time someone showed a sign of being annoyed or agitated, it was immediately thrown out of proportion.

Advice from loved ones seemed to always be bias. Everything in regards to marriage was confusing.

One day, I had an epiphany. I realized that my husband and I are completely different people. Obviously, we love each other enough to even consider spending eternity together. Realizing when you’re being selfish is a big step to balancing your marriage. In my struggle, it was mainly about finding a way to coexist when we weren’t be romantic. Finding a way around each other instead of head on was a challenge. So much advice about communication was thrown my direction, that I took it to an extreme. I thought that there was something wrong if verbal expression wasn’t utilized. A year later, repeated words have lost their value for both of us. Action holds more value than words.

I’ve seen plenty of marriages fall apart due to self-righteousness and inconsideration. This person is your family now. Everything you do affects your partner — whether you do simple household chores or stay out later than expected.

Embrace these changes in your life like an optimist. You have someone to lean on through all your future trials and tribulations. Due to all your newly acquired in-laws, your extended family has literally doubled. You’re learning new things every day!

Making marriage work is all about BALANCE.

1.“Live and let live.”

Accept this person as your spouse. Acceptance plays a major role in any relationship. You aren’t perfect either. Realistically, the only way someone can change is if they truly want to. So, loving your husband or wife; flaws and all, will make you both happier. I’m not saying to encourage negativity, but to embrace this person as the amazing person you chose to marry.

2.“Compromise will always save your relationship.”

Even though this might not be your intention, you may find yourself having pride or power trips. Nobody wants to be wrong. And maybe nobody is wrong.

Compromising is reaching a mutual agreement. Meet each other half way instead of trying to gain control. Nobody wants to be controlled. In a partnership, you work together.

3.“R-E-S-P-E-C-T”

Mutual respect plays a huge role in your daily relationship. Ideally, having obligations equal in value. Show appreciation and/or praise to your loved one when they try to do something nice. Do something nice in return. Try not to take each other for granted. It’s not a competition. You play for the same team.

4.“Common courtesy: everyone has it, but not everyone uses it.”

It isn’t beneath you to check in with your spouse. I know that I worry about the safety of my husband if he is running late — and vice versa. Not taking the time to let your spouse know of any changes can cause stress and anxiety.

Even if it may not be accurate, it is easy to feel unappreciated when common courtesy is not practiced.