Can’t find the time to do productive stuff, and when I do have the time, I don’t do productive stuff

It is a constant struggle to be persistent and focused on things that matter; I find myself doing absolutely nothing when I’m not occupied by my worthiness.

Like many people, I create and sell; but often in the process of creating something, I stop for no particular reason and open up a game that I haven’t played in a while — and while I’m in-game, I regret each minute as it passes and think of all the productive things I could’ve done instead of playing this non-productive game. It gets a bit depressing after a while when you realize that the time you had for creating has passed.

I sometimes try to satisfy this regretful feeling by telling myself that it is “okay”; You are young and you deserve to play this game, work can wait; but then a troubling thought comes that what if I become an addict to this feeling? What if I keep on like this and never recover? Then I become more unsettled.

It is a bit like a loop which goes on and on until my mind no longer seeks work hours.

Part of the struggle…I guess?

It has not been a long time since I stepped into the business game. I’m still in the learning process and probably will be in the learning circle forever. I taught myself programming a few years ago and have been improving / updating my skills since then, but now that it is time for me to create sometime; I’m finding it difficult in not the creative way but the “motivation and space to do my work” way.

I am a student and I work from home. Some people like to add “comfort of my” between the “from” and “home” in the previous sentence and I disagree. Home is certainly comfortable and surrounded by your loved ones and some might get the peace of mind they need at their homes but the reality is you cannot be dedicated, committed and devoted to the most utter level to your work at home.

I wish to have a office someday where my mind can be in a state of undisturbed tranquillity; but that day won’t come if I don’t do what I have to do now in current conditions. I guess this is the core of my dilemma; once I get a dedicated work space, no longer I will struggle.

“Another day has passed and I’m still playing that non-productive game.”

Exiting the loop

Oh how I wish to find a subtle exit to this struggle. Being a little optimistic, I probably will find it and eventually will create sometime that will change the world (a bit too optimistic, sorry).

While working on an exit to this “Must do my work but I should probably do something fun” loop, I have found that it sometimes gets me out of the loop by giving me more stress of work — It goes a bit like this; I constantly think about deadlines and the amount of work I must complete today, and sooner or later, I become so concerned that I, almost all of a sudden exit whatever I’m doing and go back to do what I must do. It is not the best feeling in the world but it gets things done.

I hope to someday find a better solution while I wrestle to find my work space. I don’t like to think of this as a sickness, I’m probably exaggerating when I say sickness but this is a common issue that is not addressed frequently.