I’ve tried so hard, trying to save you
now I need to be saved, I don’t know what to do.
Attempting to push these thoughts so I can sleep —
these secrets I’m starting to keep.
Wishing I could stop worrying, longing to turn off my brain
maybe, just maybe have a break from the pain.
Always hiding, always lying
meanwhile, you’re dying.
Killing yourself, killing me
it’s killing everyone, can’t you see?
How did it get to this place?
Sadness and anger…tears running down my face.
Seeing you in that restaurant took me by surprise
I didn’t want to believe it — the addiction before my eyes.
My heart was pulled, yanked and sucked in
quickly realizing that the Xanax was starting to win.
I thought I’d be different…I thought I’d be strong —
strong enough to help — God, I wish I was but I was wrong.
Memories of you run through my head
making me feel like I’m wearing a jacket made of lead.
Clinging to the real you, clinging with all I got
trying to erase the image of you unconscious in a parking lot.
All these pills and smoking
I hate addiction — I hate to see you broken.
It’s a battle…a game of tug-of-war
pulling on this rope, sorry but my hands are getting sore.
This tug of war makes me give it all
I need to let go but I don’t think I will…not until I fall
On the outside, people ask me why
Why? I can’t do nothing as I watch a best friend die.
If you die, there’s one thing I have to believe —
that I was there for you, through the highs and lows, never going to leave.
People can say what they want, judge me I don’t care.
I know its messed up…trust me, I’m trying…I swear
I need to stop, move on…leave — this I know
But you, *****, I just can’t seem to let go.
*****: name has been hidden