5 Ways to Improve the Grammys
How to Make Music’s Biggest Night Better
It seems the Grammy Awards are plagued with problems every year. Whether it is memos about “sideboob” or yet another audience pan of boredom, the Grammys make headlines more often because of misfires than magnificence.
Here are five ways to improve the Grammys and make them watchable from beginning to end.
Move out of the Staples Center.
Clearly the arena is unmanageable for the production. Year after year, the awards show dedicated to honoring the best of the best in music is brought to its knees when there are problems with the sound. The sound! The best sound engineers in the world in the music industry, and they can’t get LL Cool J’s mic to come on at the right time?
Find a smaller venue, scale back that disgusting stage you’ve used for the last decade, and show us why we should pay for your product.
It’s a Ceremony, Not a Soapbox
I am all for a positive outlook, being yourself, expressing your creativity, blah blah blah. I’m against domestic violence. I think creative people should be paid for their valuable services.
Did I miss anything? What was Madonna singing about? The music industry has our ear every other day of the year. Do they really need to pat themselves on the back and preach at the same time?
The Year(?) in Music (part one)
If you’re going to call your awards “__________ of the year,” then can you please stop it with this “eligibility period” nonsense. Was the song made available for radio distribution in 2014? In. Was the album’s release date in 2013? Out.
The Year(?) in Music (part two)
While I enjoy all the legendary acts that perform, the show is supposed to celebrate the best in music over the last year. There are between five and ten nominees for song and record of the year. Perform them all. Bring the legends on to sing with the nominees. The Mary J. Blige/Sam Smith number was amazing. Why can’t the show be more of that?
and finally…
Cut Half The Awards
Every year, the number of awards handed out is different, but there are thirty different “fields” in which almost anything that’s ever had a music note doodled on it can be nominated.
A field is like a genre.
There is the general field (everyone, everything), pop, dance, traditional pop, rock, alternative, R&B, latin, rap, country, new age, jazz, gospel/Christian, American roots (?), raggae, world music, children’s, spoken word (which is usually a book on tape), comedy, musical theater, music for visual media, composing/arranging, package field (?), notes, historical, production (surround sound, which is apparently not for a “visual media?”), classical, and music videos.
Here are some cuts right off the bat:
First off, cut everything that isn’t a recording. The album’s cover art shouldn’t win a Grammy. So that’s no more package field, notes, or historical.
Combine categories that should be combined. One pop field. And last time I checked, America was in the world. Goodbye Traditional Pop and American Roots.
If it has its own awards show, then it’s gone. Goodbye, spoken word, musical theater, music for visual media, production (surround sound), and music videos. Along with the Latin Grammys. They’re their own thing now.
Christianity is a religion, not a genre. Do you see any other types of music on this list defined by the subject of the songs? No. It’s gone.
And finally, stop making the country artists leave Nashville to come to LA. They don’t care about the Grammys. It isn’t even the second most prestigious award in country music, so leave them alone. Let Miranda Lambert take a nap every once in a while.
I can’t wait for next year’s to see if they implement any of my suggestions. I might take home a grammophone for writing this blog!
