What Happened When Our Agency Invented Its Own Sport

We read somewhere that it’s important to take breaks and be physically active, because sitting is going to kill us and moving your body makes you more creative, or something. We’ve tried to solve this problem by creating the world’s most nuanced game of quasi- H-O-R-S-E. It’s played at least once a day here at the Brllnt offices, and the quarterly playoff and subsequent awarding of the trophy is a truly momentous occasion.

We call it… Ballscore. It looks like a bunch of people making trick shots with crumpled-up paper into a trash can, but it’s much, much more than that.

Want to give it a try? Sign on to Ballscore.co and create your own league! Here’s how to play.

YOU WILL NEED:

  • A Trash Can
  • A Ball

(Balls must be made out of a single crushed-up sheet of 8.5x11 paper of any weight, though graph is encouraged. Legal paper, while not banned, is not recommended. Competitors must crush their own balls, unless an official ball-crusher is designated. Water-balls, balls formed by saturating paper in water, crushing, and allowing to dry, are under consideration by our newly elected Ballscore Commissioner.)

  • Probably A Chair, To Put The Trash Can On
  • Fortitude
A tense Q1 2016 Playoff moment.

THE RULES:

In honor of G-Shorty of House Parker, our newly crowned King of Ballscore, First of His Name, Lord of the Waste Bucket, Slayer of Chad, and Protector of the Off-Yellow Chair, we now present the officially non-official RULES OF THE GAME:

(1) A Quorum of four (4) players must be reached in order for a game to be official. (NB: we have ten people in our office, so your mileage may vary.)

(2) The last victor is the first to play. Other players follow in alphabetical order.

(3) If you can’t remember who won last, check the live scoreboard at Ballscore.co

(4) Ball must come to rest in the core of the can to count.

(5) If a player makes a shot on an open turn, all other competitors must replicate the shot.

(6) If a player misses a shot on an open turn, the honor moves on to the next player.

(7) If/when you miss three (3) made shots, you are out of the game and your soul feels as though it is crushed and you will never live another happy moment on this grain of sand of a planet on the endless beach that is the universe.

(8) All shot specifics (banking off the wall, throwing underhand, 3 spins, et al.) must be verbally called before the shot is executed, except in the event of a well-known shot, which include, but are not limited to…

  • Warm Up Shot
  • Second Warm Up Shot
  • Third Warm Up Shot
  • Fourth Warm Up Shot
  • Chad’s Weekend
  • Boppity-Boopity
  • Narnia
  • Right-in-front-of-you
  • Line it up, Line it up, Line it up, Eyes Closed
  • Crouching Tiger Hidden Ballscore
  • Kobe

(9) The Warm-Up Shot is the first shot played, unless you are a heathen who throws tradition out the window.

(10) Chad needs help. Seriously. We’re having an intervention.

(11) Before the quarterly playoffs, there must occur the pre-playoff playoff.

So close.

These are the sacred tenets of Ballscore. Learn them. Live them. Become them. Crush yourself into a ball and throw yourself into a can. It’s the Ballscore on the inside that counts.