Chinese Mail Order Brides: Find a Chinese Wife Online

Beal Cathy
16 min readMay 30, 2024
Chinese Mail Order Bride

“Chinese mail order brides” is a relatively new term — a century ago, no one could imagine that a Chinese wife would live with a foreign husband.

Nowadays, despite the demographic crisis, more and more Chinese women marry men overseas. What are the causes of this phenomenon? How women’s attitudes to family and gender roles have changed in China? Find all the answers, as well as Chinese brides statistics and facts about Chinese culture, below.

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In search of Chinese brides: 3 facts about demographics and marriages in China

Before we start to analyze Chinese bride trends that have an impact on the society of China and the attitude to family and gender roles, let us consider some figures that can help us understand the current situation in the country.

  • There are 18 more boys than Chinese girls born every day.
  • By the end of the decade, over 20 million men will stay single.
  • In the late 1990s, there was not a single marriage to foreign women or foreign men of other races registered in China. A few years ago, over 53 thousand marriages were registered in mainland China.

What do these facts show? Everything is simple: despite the demographic disaster, women in China often choose foreigners. So why does such a social phenomenon exist? Find the answers below.

Chinese girl

Interview with a real Chinese mail order bride — Jing

  1. Who are you?

Hi, I’m Jing, but my American friends call me Jinny! I’m 26. I’m a middle school art teacher and love working with children. Also, 6 months ago, I opened a small art studio for children; it’s my little heaven on Earth.

I like drawing, making clay figures, and flower arrangements. If put it short, everything related to art. Oh, and I’m single and one of those Chinese mail order brides that talk with foreign men online.

2. Why did you become a mail order bride?

Oh, it’s a long story. My family always wanted me to marry a local man and have that Chinese wedding ceremony where I get to wear a beautiful red dress, have a Chinese tea ceremony, and have that “double happiness” as many Chinese families do. And I almost did.

I thought that my ex was genuinely interested in me, and we even picked up a wedding date…but I’ve found out that another Chinese girl is having his child. Frankly, I was crushed, as we dated for over 2 years, and cheating was big heartbreak that killed my trust in Chinese men.

I didn’t date for a year after that, and after a while, my friends told me about one Chinese woman who was over 30 and so in love with her American husband, whom she met online. So, I decided to follow in her footsteps and put myself out there.

3. What dating site you chose to find a partner?

I didn’t choose a platform for a beautiful Asian woman, but I’ve researched Asian women mail order bride sites and picked TheLuckyDate. I was looking for a medium size site that was popular with Asian brides and was a legit place with real men. Also, I wanted something not too complicated and fun — and I’ve got it.

4. Why do you want a foreign husband?

I think the heartbreak I had closed my heart to guys from China and probably to guys from other Asian countries, as they were associated only with pain. But that’s not the only reason. In China, you feel such extreme pressure if you are 26–30 and unmarried. And if you are after 30 and unwed, you are a “leftover woman.”

Nice nickname, huh? I think that many other Asian ladies agree it’s quiet to handle. I want a relationship where I can feel free to love without rushing to pick someone who wants to marry now. I’m a hopeless romantic, and I believe a foreign husband is right for me. And by the way, have you seen how hot some US guys are?

5. Haha, yes! I often hear that. But jokes aside, how do you like your experience as a Chinese bride online?

At first, I was a bit confused about how to be a Chinese mail order bride “the right way.” I’m an arty soul, and I wanted to show my personality and stand out among other Asian brides on the site, as there are so many gorgeous Asian girls registered.

After a week, I wasn’t nervous anymore as I was getting 10 new messages from guys every day, which was something I wasn’t expecting. So, I can’t complain! Hope to get that Chinese wedding banquet after all 😉

6. Is there anything you don’t like about foreign men?

Stereotypes they believe in! I can’t say how many anime lovers messaged me. I was actually very surprised that many Western guys see Asian girls as anime characters. Sorry to disappoint, but this Asian woman is not a real-life character.

7. People often worry about scams and fakes searching for Chinese brides online. Is using Chinese mail order wives sites safe, in your opinion?

I think it strongly depends on the dating platform you choose. Luckily, I got a really cool site with all of the verification stuff that ensures a guy I talk to is real, as well as a man can know that the Chinese woman online behind the screen is real. But I’ve heard about Asian brides scams, so I think searching for Chinese brides online it’s worth doing a good dive into it.

8. Jinny, can you help American singles understand Chinese women better? Give advice to men on how to attract a Chinese woman on popular dating services, please

Well, I’m no dating expert, but I can try. Modern Chinese women are hardworking; they want to have a good career, but at the same time, they prioritize family, which means they need to feel that support. Also, my main advice is to be true to who you are.

Don’t try to be better or something you know. It might work for Western women, but we, Chinese mail order wives, see through it right away. And a working way to impress a Chinese lady is putting effort into relationships by making little surprises or writing a sweet message just out of the blue. Despite their age, most Chinese women are suckers for good old romance.

How much does a Chinese mail order bride cost?

First of all, it’s important to make a disclaimer that though we use the term a Chinese mail order wife price, there is no catalog with prices for Chinese women. So to make an estimate of the Chinese bride cost, we calculate common expenses guys have to date a Chinese bride.

Chinese mail order bride average pricing explained

  • Online dating platform fees
    — $70-$150 per month on average. But it depends on the particular online dating site you use. Also, you need to multiply the sum by the months you use the site.
  • Travel costs
    — roundtrip ticket New-York-Shanghai is around $1,900-$2,200, and two weeks in the country cost around $1,000.
  • Dates
    — up to $1,000. A lot depends on your and your Chinese bride preference.
  • K-1 visa
    — around $2,300, including all the immigration and permanent residence documents.
  • Wedding
    — $12,000-$30,000, depending on the location of your wedding ceremony and individual preferences.

What does the Chinese bride price include?

Now when we share the average costs of Chinese brides, let’s dive deeper into what these sums are for.

💻 Online dating platform fees

How much do Chinese mail order sites charge for their services? A mail-order bride site is not a Chinese brides agency, but they operate the similar ways, as they require payment for the service of connection to potential Chinese wives. The mail order brides platforms fall into 2 main categories:

  1. Subscription-based. A 1-month subscription is usually in the $50-$100 range and depends on the particular mail order brides service you use. Also, bigger subscriptions for 6–12 months provide up to 40% cheaper prices.
  2. Credit-based. The cost of credits is also highly variable and can be anywhere from $9.99 to $399, depending on the size of the credit pack on the mail order brides site. The bigger packs also usually provide lower cost per credit and allow one to save money.

To calculate your total for Chinese wives’ online dating, multiply the number of months on your monthly expenses. On average, men find Chinese girls they like and develop IRL relationships during 3–6 months, often buying additional virtual and real gifts, which can result in $1,500–1,800 spent on online dating, which is way cheaper than a dating agency.

Chinese wife

✈️ Travel costs

Surprisingly, many guys who want to date Asian women forget to calculate traveling into their “future wife price.” But that’s a big neglection, as travel costs make up from 30% to 50% of the total price of mail order brides.

  • Country. Traveling from the US to, let’s say, the Dominican Republic is under $500, but traveling to China costs around $1,900-$2,200.
  • City. Also, the price of traveling depends a lot on the destination as well as the city you are traveling from. China is a huge country, and the price varies significantly depending on whether you travel to the capital city or smaller ones. For example, the economy from New York to Shanghai is around $2,000, but it’s on average $200 more from San Francisco. But if your Chinese bride is from Wuhan, a roundtrip flight from the same location costs only $1,500–1,600.
  • Season. The low season (the cheapest) to travel to China is the winter months, from November to March. But except for the Chinese New Year season, as it’s a pick travel season when all the prices go up at least 50%. During the low season, accommodation, flights, and attractions have lower prices and are less crowded, so you can have your dates with your foreign lady in a more private atmosphere.
  • Lifestyle. We can’t mention your personal preferences as an important contributor to the mail-order brides price. For example, if you want to stay only in 5-star hotels, you need to be ready to spend double, if not triple, the price of the average accommodation cost ($29-$83 daily) in the country.
  • Duration of stay. The length of your stay is also important. Most mail order brides expect you to stay for 1 to 3 weeks. And you’ll add some $$$ to the total sum every extra day.

That’s the key factors that influence the cost of your romantic vacation.

🎁 Dates

That’s another expense field that many forget to add to the mail order brides price. Dining in China is not very expensive, but a lot depends on the type of restaurants and bars you’ll go to. It’s hard to calculate how much you’ll spend on dates; the average is around $1,000, but it could be less or much more. You should mainly expect to spend on the following:

  • Romantic dinners
  • Entertainment
  • Flowers and presents

Also, it’s worth budgeting for some presents for family members and translation services for dates if your girl doesn’t speak English well enough.

📃 K-1 visa

The visa application is the single non-negotiable thing about the cost of mail-order wives. To marry in the US, your fiance must apply for a K-1 visa. You may use the visa calculator to get the precise amount you’ll need to pay. Here are the current costs of a visa for mail order bride from China:

  • Form I-129F Petition for Alien Fiancé — $535
  • Form DS-160 Online Nonimmigrant Visa Application for K-1 visa — $265
  • Biometrics for Form I-485 — $85
  • Medical examination — up to $500
  • Form I-485 Application to Register Permanent Residence or Adjust Status — $1,140

So, in total, you need to pay around $2,300 for the whole paperwork from immigration to residence.

💍 Wedding

The cost of marrying your bride from China depends on where you’ll decide to have your ceremony. If you choose the US, it’s on average $28,000-$30,000 for the ceremony and reception, and Chinese weddings average $12,000.

These expenses are also very hard to predict as it depends on the wedding size, type, and style you want.

For example, a courthouse ceremony only with basics like a venue, a small reception, and a photographer will be cheaper than going all in for all the lavishes of the tea ceremony, traditional clothes, videographers, and other traditions.

bride from China

Why are foreigners so attracted to Chinese women for marriage

In the 2010s, a lot of Asian women who moved to the US or other countries of the Western world suddenly found out that Chinese brides are extremely popular among white and African American men.

“In the West, Asian women are portrayed as exotic beauties; a librarian in public but kinky in the bedroom. In China, Western fantasy meets reality,” Yue Xu, a Chinese actress, says.

Most Chinese women agree that such popularity can be explained by the fact that Chinese girls are brought up as the best caretakers. Consequently, they just make the best girlfriends and wives to men, especially the fact that most Western men who are ready to settle down are also raised in traditional families.

In other words, western men grew up in more conservative families with traditional family roles, but the world was changing, so they just could not get the care they wanted from more emancipated and self-oriented Western women. That’s why they choose to marry Chinese women.

Even celebrities are attracted to Chinese girls. For example, Rupert Murdoch was married to Wendi Deng for almost fourteen years, Hugh Grant married Tinglan Hong, etc.

Attitude to marriage in Chinese culture: Young Chinese brides Vs. older generation

What are the reasons why regular Asian brides for marriage move to another country to get married to foreign men? The thing is, most people know that the ratio of men to women in this country is just impressive — local men outnumber Chinese brides several times.

It may seem that any Chinese girl can choose among tens of young and successful men, but Chinese ladies still marry men overseas. Why does this happen? The thing is, Chinese dating culture and society have transformed, and today we face the consequences of this transformation. Let us analyze them in more detail.

Marriage in China is still a mandatory, not an optional, part of adulthood. In particular, though the latest global trends influence the country, the marriage rate in China is still significantly higher than the marriage rate in other Asian countries, in particular Japan and South Korea.

Nevertheless, we should not also underestimate the fact that though the number of newly registered marriages in China is pretty high, it is still lower than a decade ago. For example, the number of marriages in 2015 decreased by 6% compared to 2014.

Consequently, the situation is as follows. On the one hand, the institution of the family and marriage, as well as keeping Chinese wedding traditions, are still important for Chinese society. But on the other hand, the economic and social transformations over the last 40 years had the expected impact on the new generations.

That is why there is a “struggle” between parents and grandparents of beautiful Chinese women who still believe in old Chinese values and young Chinese ladies who believe that they do not need to hurry and can marry anyone they want.

What Chinese parents want for their children is a mixture of lifelong companionship and a support system — someone with a good job, a good family, and good connections — but not necessarily good looks or a sense of romance. And most Chinese brides, however, increasingly aspire to love matches and view their parents’ criteria as unromantic and utilitarian.

About 86% of respondents (25 to 35 y. o.) confirmed that their parents put pressure on them to get married. Of course, not all Chinese women give up and agree to start a family, and some choose their own pass — after all, we should not underestimate parental authority.

Particular attention should be paid to the age: most parents are concerned when their daughters are still single after age 23. Moreover, Asian women who do not get married before they reach their late 20s are stigmatized as “old maids.”

Chinese woman

Mixed marriages in China

Can you believe that in China, a few decades ago, i.e., in the early 2000s, a student had been expelled for dating or marrying a foreigner? Fortunately, the situation has changed. As was already noted, more and more inter-ethnic marriages are registered in China.

However, what should we expect from such unions? What are the modern Chinese family values?

  • Traditional and strong family values are still quite widespread among Chinese wives.
  • Traditional ideas about the division of labor have significantly less support.
  • Education and career are also important to Chinese women, but it does not mean that they put the family in second or third place.
  • Material support is still expected of financially independent children.

Generally speaking, most women still have more traditional family and gender values; however, most Chinese girls, as well as Asian ladies, also have a desire for self-development and are not ready to refuse education.

Matchmaking boom or how Chinese brides look for love?

The story of Gong Hayain, China’s #1 dating agent and matchmaker, is perfect to illustrate how a regular Chinese bride looks for love. It may seem that in a country where men significantly outnumber women, single Chinese ladies cannot have any problems with finding a spouse, but they actually do.

Gong notes that this may be related to the economic rise that led to bigger expectations of Chinese brides and, as a result, to bigger disappointments. In fact, this situation is quite common in most Western countries.

The businesswoman also notes that it was nearly impossible for her to meet someone on social networking sites, despite the fact that she was a Chinese lady looking for a local man. After she failed to find trusted dating sites, she decided to create her own platform. In 2011, it became the 1st Chinese dating platform listed abroad.

Her story shows how things in China work. Even though there are a lot more men than women, Chinese ladies still may have problems with finding someone, especially if they are in their late 20s or early 30s. Some of them are joining Asian dating sites, and some prefer to look for a husband in the international dating scene.

How can a man meet a Chinese woman for marriage?

Of course, foreign guys who dream of a Chinese wife can move to China and meet a lot of singles there. Besides, not only are foreign men attracted to local girls — but Chinese women also think that foreigners are “incredibly hot.”

It is not a problem for a single girl to start a conversation with a man just because she likes him, and this is definitely an advantage of modern social trends that men always use.

However, the “demand” for Chinese mail order brides is very high, but very few men who want to meet and marry one of them can really do it. A lot of Chinese people find their love on the web, in particular, on dating sites. Men from the First World do the same. No wonder most couples meet each other on international dating sites. But how do they work?

  1. A local agency, a company that hires agents in China, or a company that is looking for female singles on the web, is searching for single Chinese women who are ready to marry a good man and do not mind moving to another country, if necessary.
  2. The company promotes itself in other countries where men who want to meet a Chinese wife live (an agency’s or a site’s target audience).
  3. The company provides a dating platform to men and women by offering Video Chat, instant messaging, or emailing as communication tools.
  4. In most cases, services of the best dating sites are free to women — men pay for communication. However, this depends on the company’s policy.
  5. Both men and women use search to find matches, initiate conversations, and build relationships with members they really like.
  6. If both romantic partners are committed to their long-distance relationship, they meet each other and decide whether they want to live together and/or get married (the trip may be arranged by an agency, too).

This algorithm is as simple as effective. Moreover, it works. The dating industry is growing, and the number of Asian brides who, on the one hand, have pretty traditional family values and, on the other hand, can ignore traditions and marry someone of other cultures and ethnicity is also growing day by day.

In search of a Chinese wife — Conclusions

The most important thing about Chinese society is that it is on its way to “modernity,” but it does not want to forget about the traditional values people have followed for centuries.

This turned China into another country where the values of older people are completely different from the values of the younger generation. Is it bad for society? Yes and no.

It can be considered a negative trend for a few main reasons. Many Chinese women for marriage are more independent and open-minded, and that is why they choose to love and not the status of a married woman.

Therefore, they think twice before getting married to a Chinese guy. The gap between the number of men and women in China is just huge, so there is a chance that millions of Chinese men will be single by 2050.

On the other hand, as the authors of the above-mentioned research have noted, “Interethnic marriage is the classic example in the context of the contemporary society where love, trust, and understanding help people from different cultural backgrounds to get to know each other better and sometimes build happy families.”

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