What’s actually causing your disappointment — and what you can do about it.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. You can’t win for losing, and you can’t even remember the last time you caught a break. Life is hard, the sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be! And let’s be clear, it’s not that you want to feel like this. But how can you help feeling disappointed when things just don’t seem to work out for you?

Sound familiar?

If so, then I’m betting that you’re the kind of person who feels disappointed often. So often, in fact, that you might not even get your hopes up anymore. In fact, you might be expecting disappointment on the unconscious level, to stay safe in the comfort of your familiar negative emotions, like sadness.

While you may not realize it, you’re denying yourself joy on an unconscious level. So I’d like you to consider looking deeply into your self worth and your value. Are you good enough and deserving? If you’re the kind of person who’s chronically disappointed, you’ve got a fear and a belief that you’re powerless, because ultimately, you don’t believe that you create your own reality. You feel like life happens to you and you have no way of controlling whether you feel good or bad.

If you’ve come to expect disappointment, it’s crucial that you evaluate this belief system of powerlessness.

Changing your belief system to “I create my own reality” give you power and takes you out of victimhood. For example, if you find yourself thinking “Money doesn’t grow on trees … and it won’t come to me”, that limiting belief has the energy of resistance to money. You’ll end up proving yourself right, and be disappointed all over again.

It’s a vicious cycle — but one you can break.

I’ll be the first one to tell you that simply reframing your belief system means that everything will be rainbows and butterflies from here on out. Things may still not turn out the way you want them to. Disappointments happen, but how you react to them makes all the difference.

Here’s how to deal with disappointment when it happens:

— Allow yourself to feel the disappointment. Face it head on, and ask yourself, “What limiting belief do I have that has caused me to feel disappointed?

This may seem scary, but it’s the resistance to disappointment that keeps us stuck in disappointment. So let yourself express your disappointment, either to someone else you trust, or to a journal. Don’t just get over it. Feel it deeply, and wait for an answer.

— Bring in some outside help. After you’ve faced your disappointment yourself, it’s a good idea to involve other people. Their perspective may serve you and help you look at the situation in a different way.

— Don’t take it personally, and don’t think of what you’ve done to deserve this pain. That puts you right back into a state of powerlessness and non-deserving. The truth is, you deserve everything! The universe will never take anything away from you.

— Learn from it. Don’t beat yourself up or shame yourself. In every disappointment, there is always something positive you can learn from. Write those learnings down. This will disable your mind from spiraling down into that abyss of powerlessness.

— Check in with your fears. Look at the fears that may be preventing you from getting what you want. Know that the universe is eager to support you in all your desires. Let go of your attachment to your desire and trust that the universe will deliver it in completely unexpected ways.

— Stop focusing on lack. Take notice of what’s going well for you and shift your attention to the energy of gratitude. You get more of what you focus on. So ask yourself, what do you love about your life? What successes have you already had? Think about this even on the micro level, like that great cup of coffee you have in the mornings. Even tiny steps can lead to great confidence.

— Never stop going in the direction of what you want, and never get up. Remember, disappointment is always temporary. And you never know what’s around the corner! Some of the most brilliant inventions in human history have been the result of massive disappointments that made people change things radically … only to find that the radical changes worked better than they ever could have expected.

Are you struggling with disappointment? I’m here to help. Click here to find out how I can support you as you reframe your mindset around disappointment and begin creating a life of abundance that you truly love.

Originally published at beatacoaching.com on March 27, 2017.