My old OkC profile

Beatrice Gatta
Jan 14, 2017 · 29 min read

I keep getting complaints on how my profile is too long, and I’ve been thinking about doing something with it for a long time, but I don’t know which parts to cut out.

So I’ll just park it here while I think of a shorter one. This is my okcupid profile as of 2017

(note: some link don’t work anymore and some things are outdated)

About me:

*******MY MAILBOX IS FULL************

If you don't get any reply from me, it's probably because I've seen something in your profile that made me lose interest. Things that will make me run away:
-a compatibility of less than 80%. I've answered all the questions. ALL of them. If we don't match high enough, we won't get along.
-pictures with (real) firearms. They scare me (also, professions such as "in the army/navy" and "law enforcement".
-pictures with cicarettes, cigars, you get the idea: I won't be happy with a smoker, and they wouldn't be happy with me, let's be honest.
-pictures where the face isn't clearly visible, especially if it's your main picture. I won't bother checking your profile if you feel the need to hide your face. And nobody wants to be able to count your nostrils hair, so closeups are a turnoff.
-If your profile consists in a single phrase per section it's too short. Also, "will fill later" is just annoying.
These criteria apply more strichtly if you're a cishet white dude. I get 20 cishet white dudes every other person, and roughly 60% of them are usually racist, sexist, homophobes or have some other issue. So I'm less inclined to deal with them. I might care less of compatibility with other people because let's face it, scarcity makes you want something more (or someone, in this case). So, because women, queer and non-white folks are less common, I'd like to interact more with them. Is it racist? Don't know, don't care.
Is it hypocrite that I'm with a white dude and say these things about other white dudes? Well, what can I tell you... I'd like some variety. I especially miss having a girlfriend.

Because OKcupid had the genius idea of deleting the journal section, i won't be able to cut my walls of text and link to detailed explanations elsewhere. This means that this profile will most likely explode under my logorrhea. That is, until I'll get tired and open a medium collection just to replace my journal. And then Medium will close, and I'll swear so much I will be heard from the Space Station. Just kidding, sound doesn't travel in space. Or so I read somewhere.

YOU WILL HAVE NO REPLY FROM HERE. Read the profile and you'll know how to contact me.

I'm a bisexual polyamorous girl living with my boyfriend IDaneel

I'm primarly looking for girls, unicorns , penpals and language exchange right now. I've had some recent really bad experiences, so I'm gonna be very diffident of new people.

I'm tired of the typical heterosexual-homophobic man, so if you fall into that category, please stay away from me.
The current ratio of my visitors is 1 female every 20 males. Ugggh...

Also, what's with the guys from the nearby US military base? I'm scared of firearms and police, so if you're in the military and message me from your account full of camo and automatic rifle selfies, I'll probably be creeped out. Don't blame it on the #BlackLivesMatter movement, I've always been this way since childhood. I just find it crazy that we put our lives in the hands of very violent and stressed people with a gun. Why don't more white folks get it?

I'm INFP: I'm introverted but I like to help others. I just feel everything too much and it's difficult to interact with people most of the time. Also, my furniture and office supplies are all trying to kill me.

My love language is quality time + acts of service. It means I like to spend time doing (useful) things together with the people I love. The best thing you can do to conquer me is teach me something useful, like how to start a fire or repair clothes.

I'm really moody and absurdly picky, I might just swipe left because today it's cloudy, or because I see a small, totally irrelevant detail in your picture and I convince myself you're not worthy of my time based on that.
The truth is that I've actually got hurt pretty badly and I'm scared of new people.
I recognise this as the stupidest defense mechanism ever made by evolution.
That's why I didn't delete my Okcupid account.
Please keep in mind that i'm jobless and pennyless at the moment, so I can't afford traveling to your place to get to know you.
I used to live and study in Venice, Italy.
I finally moved in IDaneel 's home since june 2010 and we're happily living together.
I had to drop out from college for health issues. More explanations will follow, one day, when I'll be able to talk about it without feeling like a total failure.
I used to study Japanese language and culture at the Ca' Foscari 's University.
(Japanese language and culture, not MANGA language and culture. There's a HUGE difference!)
Please otakus, don't take me for your dream girl just because i read a few manga. I'm not a real otaku, i'm just otaku-friendly.
same for nerds: just because I have a League of Legends account and I understand most of xkcd jokes (and i google the ones i don't) , don't assume I am all that brainy and we'll meet together at a LAN party to make algoritms about stuff we like. Really!
Before japanese, I used to study arts and i was kinda good. I never felt really good at it, like I was missing the point I was trying to make with my "art", but my teachers thought I was, so I guess I have to mention it here.
(but please , don't ask me to tell you something in japanese or korean, and don't ask me to draw something for you: those are paths I was forced to abandon at a certain point in my life, and it still hurts to think of it sometimes).

MY PRESENT: I'm currently struggling with chronic pain and depression, with a hint of PTSD left from one of my recent ex-partners, who sexually and emotionally abused me. The most scarring event, however, was seeing a whole group of friends siding against me, and realizing that not only he will never apologise, but he'll keep telling himself and others that I am the problematic one.

SOCIAL RELATED: I used to go to polyamorous events, but I've stopped going because, after almost all my other poly "friends" sided with my abuser, polyamorous events, and the italian polyamorous community in general, simply don't feel safe for me anymore.
I've recieved threats to be sued for defamation by members of that community if I keep talking about my abuses, so I can't say much more about it. Just know this: nothing is what it seems, in the italian polyamorous community. The most friendly and likeable people are the most likely to screw you over.

(Just typing these 2 paragraphs is enogh to make my hands shake in terror).

WORK RELATED: I'm trying to put a webcomic and blog online.
This used to be our blog, before I ditched it to try out wordpress :
the italian version is here:

(a link to the updated website should come here sometimes in the near future - 2016 or so)

I'd like to write and draw webcomics fulltime on my own, but not manga. I got tired of them since my colleagues were obsessed by low quality yaoi fanfics... (UGH!) and i think a western person that think to be able to draw mangas like japanese authors is just ridiculous.

I fantasize about becoming a reporter or a yoga tantra teacher, and a "nipponist" : an Expert in Japanese culture.

But my N.1 dream has always been to become an anthropologist and travel around the world.
My greatest dream is to travel a lot and finally go to Australia , living in a cute earthship with a view on Sydney ' s Harbour and researching among the last remaining aboriginal people in the middle of the Australian Desert.

Hey, you made it to read till here? nice! Here is my facebook contact:
(keep in mind that I have this bad habit of adding literally everyone that asks my friendship, but then I proceed to hide/archive/ignore anyone I don't know in real life, unless they write me some sort of introduction and explanation.

The other thing i'm doing in my life is experiencing my sexuality in all of its aspects:
(I can finally say I had sex with women, i had 3somes and 4somes, and i'm not ashamed of it. I would repeat the experience, if I found people that was really worth it.)
I am slowly freeing myself from the hypocrisy and bigotism that distinguish Italy in all Europe (we live near the Vatican State, so it's parlty its influence's fault).
I'm removing each chain, each bound day by day, constantly questioning myself, my beliefs, my feelings, and my real needs.)
As i said, I'm only interested in deep, loving, respectful, involved relationships.
The whole fuckbuddy thing simply doesn't cut it for me. Everytime I meet someone i like, I sooner or later fall inlove with them, and they either freak out because they just wanted to have fun with no commitment, or they love me back but they automatically become jealous and possessive. If you're one o these 2 kinds, please stay away from me or we'll end up hurting each other.

I'm a “love me or hate me” type. With a rate of 99% people hate me, and 1% become my partner for life.
If you feel sorry for me, let me tell you that I also have a very low opinion of 99% of the people I meet. If you start talking to me, it's only a matter of time before you start saying something incredibly wrong, like redneck-racist wrong, or mysoginist, or homophobic, or bigoted, or just plain lacking any logic. Something that makes "my balls or arms fall off" , as we say in Italy. So don't feel sorry if you hate me already: it's probably mutual.
My point of view: i'm really good at being lazy and procrastinate stuff, forgetting important things and being incredibly goofy. i can write and draw quite well, i am creative but absent-minded, enthusiastic and humorous, my curiosity gives me troubles sometimes.. i am good with animals, i love nature -except for mosquitoes! aw, but i try not to kill them anyways...
I ' m also good at making other people's lives complicated, hope in a good way :)
Friends point of view: I was said I can draw, paint, cook and love people well!!
(2015EDIT: after spending 5 years with a professional cook, I should change the last one to "I actually can't cook for shit" and I discovered I like baking better than cooking).
I'm famous for getting people to hate me. They call me Beazilla...
Ah! and my cats purr when i sing them lullabies, so either i have a talent for that or they love me too much and just can't judge my terrible voice. MY dog just looks at me like I'm weird when I sing. I think he's concerned for my health or something.
imI'm going through a "hair crisis" lately: one of my locks turned curly for no apparent reason, and I tried to dye them purple, but the colour keeps wearing off before I set a new appointment with the hairdresser, so I'm mostly ugly - bleached blond now.
I almost always wear something purple or lilac.
I wear big glasses, because I can see their frame if they're small and it bothers me. (It' s very rare to see me without my brainy look: my glasses and my chignon.)
I' m left handed.
I' m small.
I drop stuff and bump into things A LOT.
I eat a lot for being so small.
Sometimes i talk to myself in public without noticing.
My expression varies according to what i'm drawing :P
I always blush, i'm shy in person.
I prefer interacting with animals than people. I also prefer observing that caterpillar on a branch than listening to you. I'm also internally cheering for him a bit (keep going, little fella!)
I'm very pale, and I like it that way. I hate tanning,but i like sleeping under the sun like a lazy cat, so i usually wear a ton of total protection sunscreen wherever I go.
I have I have lots of freckles all over my body, but they're only visible in the sun.
Someone also said my smile is beautiful (my gum actually shows too much and I'm not very fond of that, but "de gustibus"...).

I'm a baby talker, but only with people I really like/love. With friends and acquaintances, I probably have an angry/snobbish voice.
People can't tell where I'm from because i don't really have a regional accent, which is very uncommon in Italy.
I've developed my own talk because I traveled a lot in the past decade.

I may seem mute or authistic sometimes, i'm very quiet at first (i'm not joking).
I prefer to let others do the talking. If I feel forced to talk, when I don't want to, I might freeze, get defensive, cry or simply walk away. This makes me look like a snob and has caused people to judge me or assault me, depending on the occasion.
When i feel at ease, I start to talk (loud and quickly, they say) and I never stop.
I' m lunatic. I change my mind and mood so often you could suspect me to have a multiple-personality syndrome.
I have problems focusing on what people tell me when I'm overwhelmed by other things, like when I'm sick, or at a party or other crowded loud place, so my mind does this: "come on, focus. Smile, smile and look at her face or she'll know you suck at listening. What is she saying? Should I nod? Should I look concerned? God, I'm so busy trying to not look distracted that I forgot what she's talking about! I suck!"

I have an insane affection for all cats : that means if a cat appears, even if we were talking about the end of the World or we were having sex, i would get close them and pet them for hours, making a childish funny voice, forgetting about anything else (including you). sorry, humans! You just can't compete with their superiority...
I know this list is a neverending pain in the ass for you. I stopped updating it. I will update my other accounts instead, so this section will stop growing.
I'm not only obsessed with oriental stuff. Everything that has to do with nature, technologies, science, arts, painting especially, comics, fantasy and rpgs, psychologies, culture jamming, maths and philosophy catches my attention. I'm a true eclectic, meaning i am curious about everything, but i rarely go deep into a topic. I'm the typical wikipedia reader, take it or leave it.

To find my other accounts, just search for "beatricegasti". I am everywhere with that name. Or just message my boyfriend, it's the quickest way. Even my mother does it.

NOTE: I consume most of my media in english language (if that's the original language. But I HATE English dubbing over anime). I could say I read, listen to and watch more stuff in english than in italian, and this makes me all the way more awkward during normal conversations with other italian people. Even if you're italian and we're speaking italian, Expect me to throw english terms in mid-conversation at any time... Not because I'm trying to act cool, but because I really tend to forget their italian equivalent.


Summer 2016: I'm on a quest to catch up with Neil Gaiman stuff: I've started reading American Gods when I've heard they're going to turn it into a TV series, so I can start watching it after reading the book. I also want to re-read Sandman from the start because I've never really finished it. Autumn 2015: I've started reading James Joyce's Ulysses again and it's definitely the bane of my existence. Not only I find it extremely difficult to focus on, but I also think it's incredibly boring and I know every pseudo-intellectual person out there will hate me for saying that. I feel betrayed by Joyce because I remember really liking Dubliners back in high school. But this... bulky... Chunk... of paper... I just can't make it through!
I also just finished reading "the naked ape" by Desmond Morris and I find it really funny and interesting.

january 2012:currently reading sex at dawn and it's really interesting!
I have this terrible habit: I keep buying and starting books i never finish. June 2011: I have started to read something like 10-15 books and i still have to finish all of them...i choose what to read depending on my mood. both fiction and non fiction are welcome, if the subjects triggers me.
Pain can be a real annoying distraction, so reading has become a bit more difficult in the last months, but i fight to keep doing what i love.


after dark by Haruki Murakami(finished) , The Third Eye by Tuesday Lobsang Rampa (finished and gave to a friend as a birthday present)and MUSASHI by Eiji Yoshikawa (I finally finished it, and I liked it, but I wanted more romance! :( )
I was trying to translate The Ethical Slut, a book about open relationships. An official translation eventually came up, but I can't really say I'm satisfied by it.

Novels and poetry: everything by Stefano Benni and Daniel Pennac,Especially "Comme un romance" and "the eye of the wolf".
E.T.A. Hoffmann, Amélie Nothomb , Nazim Hikmeth , Neruda, Baudelaire, Goethe, Byron, Auden, Majakowskij etc.
i also like Richard Adams, James Herriot, The Music is Over by Ross David Burke, Isabel Allende, Ray Bradbury, Le Petit Prince, James Herriott, Guillaime Apollinaire,"L'élégance du hérisson",Richard Adams,all Lovecraft and E.A. Poe stuff, Dragonlance saga "The Legend of Huma and "Kaz the Minotaur", "Rikki Tikki Tavi" by Rudyard kipling, Felix Salten, Bill Bryson's "down under" ,everything by Schopenauer, Heidegger, Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari, Culture Jam by Kalle Lasn is my other Bible, The Hobbit, anything by Tiziano Terzani, and... there are too much!


Disclaimer: yes, I do watch Game of Thrones - No, I don't particularly like it, and I think it's dragging. I just keep my boyfriend company while he enjoys it. Breaking Bad was fun to watch, now I'm looking forward to watch Better Call Saul!
Re-watching the X-Files, I grew up with that series. hugly americans, surface, entourage, COUPLING, friends, flashforward, battlestar galactica, Lipstick on your collar The L word, dirt,c.s.i.,medium, criminal minds, heroes,dream on..
i admit i was a huge fan of McGyver as a child, and i don't regret it!,The Simpsons, Griffins, south park, house of rock, the head, beavis and butt-head , aeon flux, animatrix, Daria (It's ME!!)Shigurui, BLAME! and everything by Tsutomu Nihei, Vagabond! and REAL by Takehiko Inoue- i love his style-gintama, Cowboy&bebop, megatokyo, the boondocks, calvin and hobbes , peanuts, oglaf, menage a 3, (Ergo Proxy, Air Gear, Death Note, Tank Girl)
lupo alberto, mutts, spiderman, bloom county..
As for italian authos, i like crepax]] , [andre pazienza, Davide Toffolo, toppi. bucchi and many more.
As you noticed, i purposely mixed asian manga and anime, and comics and cartoons. there's no distinction to me, none of them is better than the other. So if you're some sort of a proud fanatic otaku that gets angry anytime a "profane" calls "comic" a manga, I'm definitely not your kinda girl. I know they're different, but hey, there are more useful ways to spend your time and energies, dude!


I want to watch The Babadook but none will watch it with me... :(
I don't go at the cinema much anymore, but I still watch a lot of stuff on streaming. Movies seen at the theatre in 2016: Deadpool, Peanuts.
Seen at home: The Tale of Tales, Zootopia.
Movies seen at the theatre in 2015: Jurassic World, Madagascar's Penguins (they made me do it!) and lots of other movies seen at home.
I just enjoy cuddling on the sofa more than going out.
Last movie at the theatre: Immortals. now i'm curious to watch "the fall" (2011)
Last movie seen at the theatre: Inception. Nolan never disapponts me.(2010)

Movies that made me cry: "Interstellar" "Up" (and basically anything Pixar)
I recently watched "Sunshine" "the man who stares at goats" and found it hylarious, touching, interesting, dramatic, exciting! a movie is well done when it gives you so many different feelings at the same time...
I enjoyed watching The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus , Terry Gilliam is always welcome for a night at the cinema.. I love
Miyazaki and Tim Burton's movies without conditions, especially "Edward Schissorhands", "Ed Wood" and "Sweenie Todd" (yeah, Jonny Depp is my favourite actor, and Cristina Ricci is my favourite actress). I Love Arizona Dream, Ladyhawk, Dragonheart,,Donnie Darko,WAKING LIFE, Pitch Black,girls, interrupted,a scanner darkly, everything by Jim jarmusch, The Million Dollar Hotel,Monthy Pytons, Lost In Translation,Boys don't cry, V for vendetta, Dark City, All Lucas OLD Trilogies(indiana jones, star wars),The Matrix, Monster's Ball, Gothica, Ingannevole è il cuore più di ogni cosa, Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain,Dogville, Dancer In The Dark, Pleasantville, Appuntamento a Belleville, Finding Nemo(i am Dory), The Lion King (big purring cats as main characters.. how can i resist?), the Addams family, Symphathy for Lady Vengeance, Japanese story, Old boy, La Dea del '67, The big Lebowsky, Crouching tiger , hidden dragon The Crow,everything by Takeshi Kitano, korean and japanese movies unless they are not too boring (but they never are) . the eye of the beholder,la vesoa e la regina, nessuno mi può giudicare, rooms and corridors, Fucking Amal , Krampack, better than chocolate, Priscilla, queen of the desert etc etc etc..

NOTE: i don't have a favourite genre or band, and it's really easy to get me to like a song: just play it while something good is happening to me and I'm hooked.

Aren't you excited that Garbage ARE BACK?? I am! Also, Beck + Chemical Brothers? Where have you been, guys?
I'm also very sad that David Bowie died, even though I always only listen to like 3-4 of his songs in loop. It's not that I don't like the others, it's just that I like my favourite too much.
2016 Guilty pleasures: Odesza, flume;
Recent discoveries (2015): Daughter, Feast, Pascal Pinon, Metric (more of a re-discovery), M83. Less recent(2013-14): Florence and The Machine, God Is an Astronaut, Explosions in The Sky.

I really wish I didn't like Coldplay, I know it makes me look dumb. But everytime something big or emotional happens to me, there's a Coldplay song playing in the background for some reason, so I'm cursed now. Sorry

I have to admit I have a really bad memory in terms of "bands I like": sometimes I'll listen to a whole album or just a song I like and won't even bother finding out who the hell the author is, so I might like some music and not even be aware of it.

I listen to a lot of OSTs and online radios. I liked Songza (damn you Google, why did you have to close it???) and Pandora, and I've recently started using Spotify, even though I really don't like the interface.

As for my favourite instruments: I like piano and arp. Opera music's sopranos simply unnerve me. I guess i have a problem with high notes, i get angry when i listen to opera. I listen to radiohead, mogwai, marina and the diamonds, alterbridge, creed, alien ant farm, breaking benjamin, tre allegri ragazzi morti, tool, anathema, placebo, tori amos, l'Aura, elisa, pearl jam, stone temple pilots, pj harvey,niobe, bjork, nick cave, tom waits, incubus,The Cure,Nina Simone, tracy chapman,Freshcut, Iggy pop, Lou Reed, David Bowie, Blackfield, Porcupine tree,The Donnas,SMASHING PUMPKINS, CREED, NIRVANA, ALICE IN CHAINS, Moby, enya, Loreena McKennit, Anggun (i need to learn indonesian!), Alanis Morrisette, Sting, Zucchero, Leonard Cohen, EELST, System of a down, Janis Joplin, Patti Smith, and many more!

I feel the need to add a videogames session here, even though I'm not much of a gamer myself.
As I've mentioned above, I play League of Legends with my boyfriend from time to time. I'm terrible at it and living in a God Forsaken place in the mountains doesn't help against lag. Plus, I almost always only play with Teemo (a.k.a. Satan!). I've also recently discovered "Don't starve" and I love the multiplayer mode. It's the first videogame I've bought in years. I also have a account, and I'm looking forward to trying "Heroes of The Storm", but I've bought both Diablo 3 and the expansion some years ago, and after finishing it I was "meh" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .
Since I suck at videogames, I won't post my account name here. You may ask me to add you if you're interested :)

I don't play with many more videogames, but I watch a lot of "let's plays". Why? Because they're fun to watch, and I get to watch only the cool cutscenes of a game without having to solve all the boring puzzles and fight all the annoying monsters myself. I think many games should be turned into movies, because their plots have become more and more intricated and some of them are much more interesting than your average blockbuster movie.
This habit started because I grew up with a very bully brother that used to monopolize our only PC, or made fun of me at each and every mistake when I was playing, so I lost interest and started watching him instead. The habit carried on with my boyfriends, only this time I had my own PC or smartphone from which I could keep minding my own business while also cheering up for him.
And when my boyfriend is away for a long time, I just put a playlist on youtube and let it play in the background while doing my chores.
I wouldn't call myself a fan of any youtuber in particular, but I do like some of Yotobi and cryaotic's work.

Some games I've recently watched and liked:

Bioshock (all three - my boyfriend) , The Cat Lady (cryaotic) , To The Moon (cryaotic) , The Witch's House (cryaotic) , Dead Space (1and2- my boyfriend) , Max Payne (all three - my boyfriend) , Gothic (all three - my boyfriend) , Ookami (cryaotic) , Journey (pewdiepie -don't judge me, I would watch ANYONE playing that game) Ori and the blind forest (my boyfriend).

My all time favourites:

JET SET WILLY and MANIC MINER]] , yes, i love old stuff!
Also, a cosplay of Rinoa from FFVIII will come sooner or later..

BLOGS and websites i follow: new section coming soon! (canceled)
Feminist Frequency (Anita is the best, you should support her too!)

I get my news primarily by 3 sources: TYT (The Young Turks), Internazionale and Il Fatto Quotidiano.

Hey, you know that beatricegasti is my nickname pretty much anywhere, save for FetLife? I can be found on snapchat, whatsApp, telegram, skype, kik, groupme... Just try and add me.
(Dick pictures will be will be countered dy images of chopped off dicks)

ITALIAN: [lasagna, pizza, focaccia di Recco and farinata)
Japanese: sushi and sashimi, tempura and teriyaki
chinese, thai, mexican (but not too spicy)
I like prawns, mushrooms, and raw vegetables and fruits, cashews and all nuts!

I love cheese !
I tried to become a veggie but it really didn't work out for me...

Please, never take me to McDonalds. I simply can' t stand the smell! I only got there once because i was offered a salad. and the salad had DEEP FRIED SHRIMPS in it. It gave me super-diarrhea all day long. seriously, people, WTF is wrong with McDonald's lovers?

On the other hand, if you're into junk food or quick meals on the go, we could just go grab a kebab or a cup of noodles from a chinese takeaway.

I have no food allergies, but I should avoid some stuff so I don't get cramps: cow milk, chicken, any spicy food (red pepper AND black pepper spicy), anything exciting or inflaming (coffee and caffeine in general), anything very difficult to digest (red meat, super-oily fried food). Oh, and apparently healthy or innocuous food (like soy and poultry) is poison for me.
This doesn't mean I can never eat that food, it just means it can get me really sick, weak and in pain, and I might need medical care afterwards. It's complicated.

The only 2 foods I'm really trying to avoid, at the moment, are vinegar and cucumber: I can't digest them, and I end up burping and almost vomiting for hours every time i accidentaly ingest some (damn you, kappa maki!)
1 my cats (ok, let's assume they count as one thing)
2 my free will a.k.a saying "No" (don't you just hate it when people try to "convince" you to do stuff?)
3 my creations (stories/drawings)
4 my curiosity (and learning)
5 my lover(s)
6 moving, changing, growing up
*updated* 2016:
"-... is it wrong to masturbate thinking about someone who doesn't know, and probably doesn't like me?
-I'm probably more racist than I'm comfortable to admit to myself. I keep thinking that I'd like to have been born in a more diverse area, so I would have learnt how to interact with other cultures from birth. It's just a matter of time before I fall into some really dumb and enraging cultural appropriation shit without even noticing.
-Wow, are we seriously thinking of marriange? Isn't it, like... a bit hypocrite and incoherent on my behalf to marry, after I completely rejected possession, monogamy, sexism, wlah... Oh, whatever. If I get into a coma, I prefer my husband to decide what's best for me than to have my parents do it. Case closed.
-We're probably gonna have to move again soon. Hopefully for the last time in at least a decade. God, I hate moving when it's not a choice... Something nice or important always breaks or gets lost during the move. And I long for a place to belong to. I feel so scattered and scrambled.
-Babies, babies babies and more babies. I've got the baby fever. And I'm probably infertile. SHIT...
-Will I ever have a girlfriend? And if I do, will we ever get harassed for holding hands and kissing in public?
-I wonder how mine and Daneel's babies will look like. I hope I'm not infertile. I hope I'm not a horrible parent like mine were.
-Why couldn't I have a normal family with normal problems.
-I wish Emergency Could do in Italy the same things Planned Parenthood is doing in the USA. I'm so fucking tired of italian doctors refusing to offer certain services in PUBLIC FUCKING HOSPITALS.
-Why should I call the Paris shootings an "act of war" and the shootings at Planned Parenthood just "a terrible tragedy". We're all at war.
-What is the mental process that makes people hate someone without even knowing them.
-How can I protect myself from people that want to hurt me.
-How can I survive in case of an emergency.
-Why do people rape.
Why do other people protect rapists and blame the victims.
-What am I gonna do with my life
If I'm infertile, and if not, If I'll ever be a mother, and if yes, if there is such a thing as a "good mother" - and how to be one.
-Something in my body hurts right now.
-How can I stop the pain
-Why would anyone vote for Trump.
-Why is Trump even allowed to run for President, or to exist. Really, wasn't Berlusconi a good enough example of what NOT to do??

i've been thinking about BDSM a lot, recently.
I'm not into it, but most of my friends are, and I even recieved some "proposals" [such as "maybe i could start with a progressive introduction of pain and humiliation" or " next time we meet i'll tide you up like a "salame" :)
(figure it out here: )"]
I found it funny at first, joked about that, but i think i will give it a try in the future, who knows if i'm gonna like it...

other random topics:
my true self, open relationships, trying to decide if I like the term "polyamory" , my ideal girlfriend, Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro, Australia, cats, cats and more cats, The Dalai Lama, Tibet, War, cruelty, death, how to pay rent and bills, how to set difficult situations, how not to get hurt by mono people. and so on."
*UPDATED* 2016:
Probably sick and nauseous in bed, surfing the web, waiting for it to pass.
Most probably at my boyfriend's workplace, waiting for him to finish so we can hang out with friends after 1:00 AM. We're nightowls.
At home playing videogames? Having sex? Cuddling? You tell me.

My boyfriend is a professional cook, so he always works during weekends. We usually go out on his day off (Monday or tuesday) and I treat every other day of the week like a weekday. Unless I'm dating someone else or seeing some friends, but here in Italy date night is Saturday night.
So the following list mostly applies to Tuesdays/Saturdays:

1 I Surf the web/read/draw until dawn, then finally go to sleep at about the same time you are having your first coffee break at work.

2. If it's very late, I might consider walking the dog. He's very agressive, so I try to sneak him out when no one else is walking their dog or driving their car around.

3. I (try to) have sex with someone i love ;)

4. i go out to a pub/cinema with a few trusted friends

5. i'm somewhere camping or sleeping in someone else's house if it's too cold to camp and I'm lucky.
There is no such thing as "privacy", to me.
It's a term people use to soothe themselves and reassure themselves of the fact that they can do and say any amount of things without having to justify them to other people or be judged for ther actions. The truth is, nothing is really private and nothing is really a secret, unless you never tell anyone about it.

The thing I'm willing to admit is: I actually find it reassuring.
The fact that the next time I get assaulted or attacked, someone could stream the whole thing on Periscope and it could become viral, leaving the attacker nowhere to hide, is actually a good thing, to me.

The problem comes when oppressive governments use this at their advantage against innocent, powerless people. Or when a whole community use this as a way to enstrange and bully a person just because they don't really like them that much.

If you're talking to me, chances are I'm not gonna keep your secrets and I'm not gonna respect your "privacy". Keep that in mind the next time you want to be bossy or obnoxious in front of me, or if you feel like gossiping about someone else in my presence.

Similarly to privacy laws, I also think copyright laws are obsolete and need to be updated. Most people don't have enough money to buy books or music or movies anymore, and it's only thanks to free streaming and things like Project Guttenberg that we're not left in the dark of our ignorance. The sooner producers will realize that, the better. See a pattern here?

Both information and knowledge aren't just "things" that someone can own. They're a collective good that everyone should have the right to access freely.

My disability saps away all my energies and it's eating away my life. I feel like I have very little to offer to people right now, especially in terms of work or sex. I can totally see myself cuddling and talking to someone new, but then? I wish I could have meaningful and deep relationships, but I keep wondering what could a person possibly gain from being with me, if sometimes I can barely sit in bed and keep my head straight. I'm suffering a great deal because I'm usually the one that wants to travel, eat out, do stuff together and I'm usually too weak to do anything. I feel that I don't deserve love because I can't give back as much as I want.

I can't finish most Videogames because I feel bad whenever there's a fight and I have to kill something to advance the plot. I feel sorry for the goat guys in Diablo, or The Badger guys in Torchlight. I'll never feel sorry for Cliff Racers though, they can die in a fire. Those Fuckers. I felt bad when my first piñata ate a caterpillar-piñata. I even feel bad for capturing Pokémon. FML

I play as Teemo in LoL. Like, that's the only champ I ever play. Ever.

I've downloaded Snapchat and Vine, but I have no idea how to use them, I can't even login. (I'm beatricegasti on them as well.)

FUN FACT: most of the people that contact me here don't take the time to read my profile and then things go to shit with them because they didn't know or didn't care of certain things, because they DIDN'T READ THE FUCKING PROFILE.
If you read until here you're good, but please continue to read till the end.

The first thing i was thinking about when we first met was: is this person going to hurt me? Can i trust them? Do i feel comfortable when they get closer and try to touch me?

Past this phase, if we like each other and we keep meeting, the thought becomes: how do they have sex? How do they look like naked? how do they reach pleasure?

I'm far more dirty than what you could say at first sight...

I'd like to have sex with an hermaphrodite or a person with an ambigous sexuality...
I don't even know why. I guess I got bored of the gender binary system.

I have some sort of "repulsion" for gay/effeminate boys... it's probably internalised homophobia, but keep this in mind: my abusive ex was highly mysoginous and acted exaggeratedly effeminate. Also, since I am not able to attract homosexual people and I've never had a gay friend, they embarass me, because I know i'm powerless in front of them, and I'm kinda jealous of people with male friends that never tried to fuck them... Pretty fucked up, eh?

I am a masochist person. but I could be a sadist too, with the right person... Oh, and if you're on Fetlife, you can find me there, too. I'm randomkat.

I've always dreamt to have sex with both a boy and a girl at the same time, and i did it!
Now the next goal is to make LOVE with them... Unfortunately, I've only met very-jealous girls or not really-into-me girls for now.

I can't be monogamous, i tried but it's not my thing... definitely. I'm afraid that every new date will eventually fall for me and ask me to be monogamous for them. And I don't want this shit in my life anymore. Not only it's annoying, it's also very repetitive. Why can't people keep their shit separated, like I do? Love is a separate concept from monogamy. You can love me and still not try to control who I sleep with.

I have a certain aversion for repetition. It's not a phobia, just a thing that makes me find it really annoying to get in very similar situations over time, to listen to a song in loop for too many times, to get into a routine, or to talk to someone who uses a lots of figures of speech, or to listen to someone that reminds me of someone else. This makes me a very unorganized and nervous person, and it worsens my depression and anxiety when I don't have enough energies to change my environment or go somewhere else or do something new.

I have a confession: I think all "-phobias" should be treated like mental issues, they have lots of traits in common with some personality disorders, and they're damaging to the people around you. If you spew racist remarks Thanksgiving dinner, or if you say shit like that "women have it better than men now", if you say out loud that "gays are all perverts" or if you block a woman from entering a toilet because she "looks like a man"... I think an ambulance should show up, some dudes should restrain you and you should be hospitalized. And immediately enter sensitivity training. Now hold on tight, because this might seem to contradict my next confession:

I have fat-phobia. I'm not proud of it, but I don't see this problem going away any time soon.
I admit i can't stand fat insecure people saying it's not their fault (especially the kind of people that tend to unload their frustration bashing on skinnier people). damn, just STOP eating when you're full! And stop staring at me while I'm eating... that's just creepy.
To be honest, this has more to do with my mother's figure, and with my fucked up relationship with my mother. It's slightly more complex than the same old "society makes you hate certain body-types" problem. It's more of an irrational fear of feeling overwhelmed and squished, of becoming agressive and selfish like her. When I watch Disney 's "Brave" I cry and get anxious, because the protagonist's mother literally turns into a huge bear and tries to maul her... I'm SLOWLY trying to solve my problem... But don't expect too much.
If you can help me with that, I would appreciate it.
I have dear friends that weight 140kg, but never had sex nor felt attraction for them. My maximum, till now, is an 85-ish kg partner. Which gets complains by the blood donation association for having too much glucose and cholesterol in his blood. And I'm worried he might turn diabetic if he doesn't cut out junk food.
So if you find me hot, and you're morbidly obese, and deeply unsatisfied about that and feel like blaming a skinnier person... Just don't bother.
Message me if you' re a bisexual cute polyamorous girl, looking for a girlfriend and willing to meet me and maybe my partners. They don't bite (unless you ask them to ;P)
I rarely make the first step, so please do it for me!
*disclaimer: the "meet my partners" part is because I've been abused by other partners before. My current partner think that if he got more involved, got to know my other partners better, he might have prevented it. I don't think it's so simple, but I DO feel safer knowing that he at least can reach out and meet my other partners. I'm not expecting all my partners to date each other or to even like each other. I just want them to know and to talk to each other.

Message me if you live near Sydney and you' re accepting of my lifestyle (polyamory/bisexuality), if you' d like to have an Italian penpal that one day may come to Australia.
Or if you' re Japanese or Korean and you would like to have an Italian penpal to exchange language with. I really need to practice!
Or If you just want to have an italian virtual friend to chat with!

NEVER message me if: you’re searching for your future wife (I don' t believe in marriage) *2015 UPDATE : I’m actually thinking of marrying Daneel. It’s mostly because we want kids and it’s easier if we’re legally married, but still... I feel like a hypocrite...*

If you're jealous, racist, ugly and arid inside, or you think that bisexual people don't exist or are "confused", or if you think that women should stay at home cooking and you think you have the right to control/judge ANY of my actions. Heck!

if you only want to have fun , we might have issues. i want someone i can expect to fall inlove with, sooner or later. so i'll always feel that something's missing.
also, please don't bother messaging me if you're in a "poly-phase".
there's no such thing. you're either mono or not.
i'm mot your guinea pig.

Here' s why I don' t reply to everyone:'t-reply-to-everyone-that-mail-me

Beatrice Gatta

Written by

Polyamorous Kat living and loving in Italy. I talk a lot about polyamory, endometriosis and cats.(also, I think I'm a feminist...?)

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