“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard.”

How often do we feel forced to put on a protective outer layer just to make it through the day? The world as we know it is full of suffering, harsh words and harsher attitudes. Many times our response to that is to become equally unyielding. I do this quite often myself, dismissing it as the way of the world. Adopting this way of living makes me feel like a stranger in my own skin.

I repeat Mr. Vonnegut’s words often enough, but I realized that I no longer believed or practiced that way of living. Somewhere along the line the saying, “When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.” The whole world has felt like a nail to me. Everything is a slight. Every stranger is rude. Every sharp word is a personal attack. And that line of thinking will kill you.

So I thought of ways I could soften myself, if for no other sake than my own:

1. Make room. We get tired of being jostled around and imposed upon. On the train, on the street, in elevators. The refusal to accommodate others because a personal statement against all wrongs committed against you. This is my space on the elevator. You can not have it. And you’re having a tiny war with a person that you may never see again for what amounts to 45 seconds for no reason at all. A pleasant restfulness comes over me when I make room for the next person. It doesn’t make me a punk or less than. It makes me a human making room for another human.
2. Don’t presume the worst. On social media, the clapback reigns supreme. And sometimes, many times, it’s a matter of misunderstanding. But after a certain point, we’re too arrogant to admit that we misunderstood something, so we instead scramble to justify vitriol. And it’s a waste. There’s no fine for taking three extra seconds to determine if someone is really being rude to me. In the event they are, I don’t have to participate in every fight I’m invited to. Taking a moment and moving on has done wonders for my headaches.
3. “Not my friend” does not equal “enemy.” We won’t all play in the same sandbox. And so what. That doesn’t mean that you are suddenly at war. Unless the person has nuke codes and has targeted your house, it’s probably not that serious. You have the option of being cordially civil, or treating them like they don’t exist. Petty really isn’t a point of pride for me. It’s annoying and I’ll pass.
4. Spend time on the things you like. The things we hate can grab our attention, but when it dominates our thoughts, conversation and information that we consume, it can be depressing. “Refill the vessel” with things that you enjoy. You can determine what those things are. If you can’t think of anything, or the old things just don’t have the pop that they used to, find a new hobby. I plan on living a pretty long time, and I’d rather spend the majority of that time with things and people I enjoy.

It’s amazing how quickly those small changes have changed my outlook. The message to be hardened permeates everything we consume externally. Unfortunately, I’m not built for arrogance’s toxicity. My small changes have led to me feeling a little more like myself and it has manifested in a peaceful spirit. I’m able to create and see a way through the fog. There are still “miles to go before I sleep,” but I like my start.