It only takes a second to fall in love.

The truth of this statement smacked him straight in the face that November afternoon. He had known of her for a good 3 years before he knew he loved her more than the very breath that allowed his heart to beat. But it wasn’t THAT revelation that stunned and kept him in his car. No, it was the fact that he swore that he only loved her now….not before.

But as he sat there, he thought of everything he loved about her. He started shallowly: her hair, her eyes, her perfectly symmetrical face, her flattering and unique style…but he soon realized that even those weren’t loved shallowly. Her hair told the world of her mood, her eyes showed bluish-green world that can only hope to be divulged into thru trust and security, her face brought comfort to all who saw it and her style was something picked up from everything she loved: pirates, yoga, the ocean, trees and the 1920’s and 60’s. He laughed inwardly sometimes it could be quite something to behold.

He sighed and leaned back into the seat wondering how deep his physical attraction to her ran. Images of her flashed in his mind, nothing pornographic; in reality they were more of just moments in her presence that seemed to thrill him more than usual. For instance when she’d come to school after her sun-rise yoga class still dressed to stretch, the first day she realized she loved the color tree green and wore a tank top that made her eyes her most prominent feature that day or even the day someone paid her $50 to do a handstand on the front steps of school, even though she was wearing a skirt, and flashed the whole entering student population with her “cutest panties”.

She was something. Someone…amazing. Amazing to look at, be around…to love. The best part of her was she was also completely human. She loved music, good food, to dance and sing badly in public. She blushed at compliments and attractive men and went thru best friends like clothes.

He shook his head, he was thinking all of these things but it was weird because they were all things he already knew, as if when realized, forgotten after being filed away for later use. Well ok so he loved her, he was 17 and was in love for the first time…what to do? Tell her? Not tell her? Ignore it? Hope to God it doesn’t kill you? or maybe wait it out? See if she likes him? These are all the options that crossed his mind, only two of them being valid choices.

They were friends. She would make the polite conversation of someone who genuinely cared but was not close enough to him to make anything other than polite conversation which always ended with “Good luck with that or let me know what happens, or see ya around.” She’d smile when she walked by, laugh at his jokes and occasionally work in a group project with him in school. They were what most people would call friendly and that’s a good start. He began to think harder to see if he remembered if she was interested in anyone he knew about.

She was definitely a flirt that genuinely liked interacting with people. Hmmm… could have been Jared the half Mexican and Black kid who also grew up with them. They were close always speaking Spanish and a made up version of black slang, which in the wrong crowds could get them in trouble. But he couldn’t really envision them being anything more than friends with similar sense of humors and common tastes. And Jared was currently lusting madly after Tai the Japanese senior whose cheerleading moves would be perfectly routine in the local strip club, Poles. Not that it wasn’t a pleasure to watch and made the pep-rallies more than bearable, it just wasn’t his personal cup of tea….ok at least in the category of girlfriend material.

He went through this process with about 11 different boys and 2 girls who she seemed especially close to. But none of them provided enough evidence, he concluded. But in the end, he decided it really didn’t matter, it didn’t change circumstance or his feelings so no point in agonizing over the hypothetical. With that mind-set he jumped out of car deciding to just to talk to her about it , he had to tell her and she had to know, if was the last thing he ever said to her, it needed saying.

He walked thru the fertile grass and past the stones and finally arrived at his destination. He looked down and there she was:

“Sela Maria Travis

1998-2014

A girl who filled her days with more love and life, than most given more days in their lives.”

“Well hello Sela.” He greeted as he sat down face level with the stone. Marveling still about how one day you could be looking someone in the eye and the next you are talking to a stone. Grimacing at such a harsh reality, he sighed and then lay back smiling at what he found out in his car. He’d originally only came to pay his respects, her murder still 2 weeks fresh, but now it felt more like coming to a place he knew, loved but had forgotten and just rediscover and honestly it made him feel right at home.

His view showed him that the sky was partly cloudy and it might rain soon, so he sat up and looked at the stone and said “Sela…I have something to tell you, sorry it’s so late.”

It only takes half a second to miss something; you were never able to have.