The Day My Boyfriend Left and Very Soon After I Realized Something Was Seriously Wrong With Me
My boyfriend said goodbye and walked out the door to go on his fancy business trip and left us alone to wallow in our aloneness. To combat these feelings we decided we’d have a grand time in his absence.
We made a big list of all the active, productive things we would do to stay busy while he was gone — work, read a book, and get exercise so that we wouldn’t develop a second chin or get restless and eat pens off the coffee table. That same day, I said,
“Let’s treat ourselves and have mac and cheese for dinner tonight because he isn’t here to judge us or eat more than his half of the box,” and she said, “Good call, we deserve comfort food right now.”
Then we watched TV together and when I said, “This episode of Grey’s Anatomy is too much, and also I don’t think I should have poured myself this third glass of wine,” she looked at me and said, “It’s going to be ok.”
Then I said, “God I’m so glad you’re here I love you I just want to squeeze your face I love you I love you I love you!!!”
And then I remembered that she is a dog and when I talk out loud to her in a weird high-pitched voice and no one is around to hear it, it sounds weird and high-pitched and also like that of a crazy person who is obsessed with and speaks to her dog.