How My Agenda Was Changed from Exploration to Contemplation
It’s been a few months since I’ve posted anything about our explorations in Portugal. We planned to take big adventures quickly, but God had other plans for us. We’ve been forced to wait. I’ve tried to pay attention to why this might be and what we’re meant to learn in the waiting. Things are not bad, they’re just different than what we expected. And isn’t that just how God works?
The one constant that kept us praying was ongoing medical issues. Since we arrived a little over a year ago, Dave (my husband) has had two rounds of foot ulcers and an infected toe. Each time he had to rest his feet. He’s had double vision that led to a CT scan, an MRI, and finally, eye patch therapy that left him unsteady on his feet while trying to strengthen his eye. He has also been to the ER for dehydration, had blood pressure swings, and then his lab work came back showing anemia. The quest to understand the anemia diagnosis led to an endoscopy, stomach repair surgery, and just an overall deficit of energy and stamina. The big praise is that none of these procedures to this date have uncovered large concerns like tumors, or life-threatening conditions. The trials were spaced at the right interval that kept our weeks tied up.
This all made me seriously question whether we waited too long to make this move and whether we were going to be able to explore Europe as we’d hoped.
Just as he was turning a corner, I got COVID. I had managed to avoid it until now. What in the world was going on? And maybe still is? We’re both finally in a good place right now (although the anemia is still not fully sorted), and we are both so very thankful for each day that we feel well. We’re also incredibly grateful for great health insurance. I don’t even want to imagine what all these tests and specialist visits would have cost were we still in the US.
The second barrier was our vacation budget. We planned to go to Switzerland this summer. Instead, we needed to use those dollars to meet some family needs. It was apparent that we were being led to do something different. God willing, we will be taking a trip within Portugal in August. We will escape the heat, drive to save some money, and still see new things. Just different things than we had planned.
Then there was the strange Portuguese bureaucracy whammy. Many people sail through all the relocation barriers seamlessly, and others do not. Our process was unusually favorable except for one area — my Driver’s License exchange. To drive as a resident in Portugal you can either go through the painful process of starting fresh (including classes and taking a test in Portuguese plus a driving exam), or you can exchange your home country driver’s license for one in Portugal. As with most things, it isn’t simple here as it requires apostilled forms from your home country, online submissions, and in-person appointments. It also requires a medical exam and an eye test if you’re an older driver. Dave sailed through the process and received his final license in two weeks.
I do about 90% of our driving (because I speak about 90% of the Portuguese in our family), and my license was the one with the issue. My Texas Driver’s License listed my middle name as my maiden name, and my passport said my middle name was the one on my birth certificate. This was a showstopper until I could get a declaration from our city of residence that I indeed live here and those documents are valid and point to the same person. I was issued a temporary license, but this only allowed me to drive legally in Portugal. Remember, this is an exchange, so we had to hand in our Texas Driver’s License when you get the temporary Portuguese one. No trips to Spain, and no driving trips anywhere until the permanent one arrived. It took eight months and finally arrived a couple of weeks ago.
When we couldn’t go anywhere big and were required to sit in our surroundings, it accelerated the process of making things the best they could be where we are. I sought out small joys and things to be thankful for, or habits to cultivate. I was doubly thankful for the routines we enjoyed, the beauty of where we live, and the people who add an extra dimension to our lives. I chose to also think about what life would be like if those were not there. To help me out in that process, our closest friends went back to their home country for several months. Absence always solidifies how much I appreciate the people in my life when they are not available.
I had to confront the question I think Jesus asks of us periodically when we need to take stock.
“Am I enough?”
Because anything more is that creeping desire to escape, to depend on things, or people, or adventures, or to worship the creation more than the Creator.
The waiting has forced me to slow down. To contemplate. I’ve been more intentional in my listening and what is happening around me, and I am becoming grateful for the stillness as it has not gone to waste.
I know I’m being asked to change. Again. I’m most comfortable as the reflective observer who takes things in, ponders them in my head, synthesizes the ideas, and then shares my input when it is relevant. Maybe that’s just a euphemistic way of saying I’m a lurker. Now, I keep feeling the tug to put what I’ve learned out in the world and let God determine when it is relevant for someone to see it. This moves me from the quiet person in the room who finally speaks up and has something insightful to share, to a writer who, upon publishing a piece, immediately has told you just by that action that I have something to say.
Not comfortable, but I will be obedient to the call.
