The Great Regret? I Don’t Think So.
I recently read that as many as 80% of those who took part in the Great Resignation by leaving their job last year are now sorry they did. The new term for this is the Great Regret.
You can happily include me in the minority.
I retired one year ago, and I’m amazed how little I miss working. I was always one of those people who said they were not interested in retiring, and saw myself working long into my 60s and 70s. What I focused on in that picture was my ability to contribute with the knowledge I had honed over the years, and the joy of helping others. I was short-sighted about the other things in my environment.
I am 10 years younger than my husband. He was a very healthy middle-aged guy when I married him 25 years ago, but along the way, he was dealt some bad health cards that have taken their toll on him. He now suffers from chronic pain that impacts his mobility. When we’re facing the reality of how many quality of life years he has left, they are diminishing. He won’t be able to travel as often, as frequently, or as vigorously when I reach a “normal” retirement age. Being home with him during the COVID period allowed me to see what I had been ignoring, and that was a need to stop putting living off until later.
To be honest, I don’t think I would have been happy as a retiree had I simply stopped working and stayed in my old life in the United States. If I didn’t work, there was not much I was aching to do. Where I lived was not inspiring, I had a feeling of distance from many of my relationships, and even my church no longer felt right. I was, however, ready to be done with my job. The thought of finding another one at 60 was altogether unappealing. As well, the thought of staying there and taking on something bigger and broader was equally unappealing. I had been down the path of the big promotion, big salary, no life triad and didn’t want a repeat. It was time to get out and I felt it in my bones. That feeling is part of what led to my successful transition. The other was a life upheaval.
My last day of work was rapidly followed with a move overseas to Portugal. We sold almost everything and moved across the world so we’d be closer to the places we wanted to travel. This first year was full of learning and new experiences, so it was easy to stay busy. That only lasts a while, so we’re designing what things look like after this first year, while asking God about His preferences on where we spend our time.
Things I do now that I rarely or never did before:
I eat healthier, non-processed food that I have time to shop for and prepare.
I walk everywhere because the climate is beautiful, and things are easily reached on foot.
I get together with friends several days in the week. But, before that, I had to make friends, and I’ve made many. That’s also something that was rare before as there was hardly time to see the friends I already had.
I create things that are not work products that someone assigned me. I write, I paint, I draw, and behind that, I learn how to do those things. The joy of doing something for myself that nobody comes in to red-line, shape, or change into their thing is a welcomed transition. I’ve learned I like to master things in isolation. No clients or executives get to weigh in and change my direction.
How we spend our time:
We chill out, sleep late, take long walks, and enjoy two-hour dinners with friends.
If we have to go somewhere not so fun (the doctor, a bureaucratic errand, etc.), we pair it with something fun we haven’t seen before and make the best of the day.
We seek out new experiences and areas around us and plan trips to cities in Europe.
We’re involved in our new church.
I take Portuguese language lessons so I can learn to interact well with my neighbors and new friends.
We’ve started volunteering at a charity that offers hospice care to those who cannot afford it. No, we’re not hero care givers. We work in their thrift store.
But what about purpose?
The consistent advice for those retiring from work is to find a purpose in your retirement years. I was never happy at work unless it mapped to my values or something larger that was in service of others, so that advice made sense. I look back at my career and realize now how many things I invested time in that are no longer relevant or are literally gone.
What mattered in the end was the relationships or the investments of time in people.
That is “work” I can, and do, carry on today. When I give someone time and my full attention, that matters. When I look around for what is happening and who needs a kind word of encouragement and to feel God’s love today, that matters. When my friends text me and ask for my insights or prayers, that matters. I told God I was here to be used for what He has in mind for us, and doing God’s work is the best purpose of all.
Do I miss the mental stimulation of the work I did before? I do not. I look at LinkedIn because I like to see if people I know earned promotions, and I offer congratulations. But, when I see that wall of posts about what conferences people are attending, or the hot topics of the moment, it wears me out. Still. I have no desire or energy to tackle those things or to consult for those who are. It all just feels irretrievably broken and redundant to be doing change management work in the United States right now.
I’m rejoicing being able to be present in Portugal where the only change management assignment I have is teaching my cat not to lie in the sun on our table. Yes, sometimes life can be just that simple.
