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Becca Camp
Health care product strategist. Definitely a hugger.

So You’re Taking Your Partner to Burning Man

The following is a worksheet that should be completed by both members of the partnership before arriving on Playa, as a prerequisite for camping with House of Maslow. Your answers are private between you and your partner (but feel free to share any answers you think would help your campmates).

To complete the worksheet:

  1. Fill out the answers individually, and thoughtfully (there is one joint question at the end).
  2. Exchange worksheets, and read your partner’s answers.
  3. Ask any clarifying questions and make notes.
  4. Consider ways to strengthen your communication skills before coming to Burning Man together. (Ping Becca! She will help you or offer resources)
  5. Tell Becca when you’ve completed the questionnaire.
  6. Bring your partner’s worksheet with you to Burning Man, and keep it easily accessible.

Are you a newbie? Even if you aren’t, re-read the Guide to Relationship Survival at Burning Man to get more context for this questionnaire.

Here we go!

My Name:

Currently the thing I love most about my partner is:

Because we are human, we occasionally deal with negative emotions in a destructive way. Describe the last time you did this (does not have to be in the context of the relationship):

Example: Last week I got some bad news about a family thing, and I found myself picking fights with my loved ones, one of which turned really nasty with my best friend.

If you were in the same situation again, list some explicit things your partner could do to support you during that difficult time. (example: give me space to be alone; hug me like a koala until I stop crying; verbal affirmation…)

True or false: I usually suck at asking for help or support when I need it.

  1. True
  2. False

List 2–3 ways in which you typically excel in being supportive to your partner.

“When I am in a really shitty mood, I…” (example: start being mean to my loved ones; clam up; get drunk until I pass out)

List 2–3 strategies that usually help you cope with a super shitty mood. (example: alone time; change of scenery; windsprints)

When I imagine my partner having physical sexual contact with someone who isn’t me at Burning Man, I feel: (choose all that apply)

  1. Hurt or angry
  2. Territorial
  3. Turned on
  4. Joyful
  5. That would never happen.

If you chose e), describe the conversation you had with your partner that led you to that conclusion:

Though inconceivable, this is our plan if the partnership ends during Burning Man (question must be answered jointly):

  1. Both partners will stay in camp and continue sleeping in the same tent, because we are confident that we can be civil and sensitive to each other and our campmates for the rest of Burning Man.
  2. One partner will leave camp to give us the space we need.

Name of person who volunteers to leave:

QUICKLY NOW — -GO BACK TO QUESTION 1 AND RE-READ YOUR ANSWERS TO WHY YOU LOVE YOUR PARTNER

You did great! You just exhibited self-awareness, heard your partner’s perspective without judgement, and asked for what you want clearly, and with compassion.

That is what healthy communication looks like. It will be way harder on Playa, so keep this worksheet as a guide, and a reminder of what you’re capable of.