How to Fool People Into Thinking You Have Your Life Together

Do you ever come across people who just seem to have their life figured out? No matter what life seems to throw at them, they always have it under control. They’re cool, calm, and organized. Their gaze always faces forward, looking towards their next obstacle to overcome.

I have news about these people: it’s all a façade.

I have been told on occasion that I am one of these people. Somehow in my 20 years of life I figured out how to appear like a responsible adult, and now I shall impart some of that pseudo-wisdom on to you.

1. Make lists of everything. What you need to accomplish, what you aspire to be, what groceries you need to buy, list it all. You may never actually abide by these lists. In fact, you probably won’t ever look twice at them. What matters is showing others how responsible you are. Nothing says responsible like words on a yellow legal pad.
2. If you are in school, take as many credits as humanly possible. If you work, work as much as possible. If you do both, That’s a big bonus. People won’t respect you unless you are ungodly busy. Have some free time this weekend? Fill it up with some good ol’ productivity! Free time is for the unmotivated.
3. Pretend to enjoy your ridiculously busy life. But don’t enjoy it too much. Enjoyment leads to fun, and fun leads to being an irresponsible adult.
4. Allow for one break down a month. But keep in on the DL. Get a cry out in private. The key to making people think you got it figured out is by looking like you do. Out in the world, ooze positivity from every orifice on your body.
5. Create some sort of life goal. It doesn’t even need to make sense. Throw a bunch of words in there. No one will listen to the whole thing, but they will be under the impression that you are headed in some sort of direction. Tell them your goal is to enrich people’s lives through social media and inspirational selfies. Or say you want to delve into research that won’t actually help anyone, but sounds cool on paper (maybe researching the success rate of orphan penguins in Antarctica, or something.) Obscure goals say, “Hey! I’m creative and I know what I am doing with my life!”

Follow these steps, and you may find yourself receiving compliments about how ambitious you are. You’ll smile and accept the compliment on the exterior, but internally you’ll be a normal, messy human being. But in truth, we all are. No one has it all figured out. Even the best pretender doubts themselves. Everyone stresses themselves out, and all of us take too much on our plate. It really is okay to take a step back and release the stress. It is okay to break down now and then. And it is okay, by all means, to fail. Life’s a mess, but enjoy it.