to the noah bradleys of the game industry,
fuck you.
to the men at blizzard that brought me along while i was already drunk from a quarterly party to a “dive bar” where the bartenders were half naked,
fuck you.
to the men at blizzard that prey on interns and treat them like toys,
fuck you.
to the men at blizzard that say ending the drinking culture is impossible and then would touch my thighs at parties after work because they were drunk,
fuck you.
to the men at blizzard that talked to me, a 22 year old female-presenting person, as a therapist for how they sexually assaulted and harassed women in vegas,
fuck you.
to the men at blizzcon that snuck up behind women at parties and grabbed their asses while i was talking to them in a public space and wearing an employee t-shirt,
fuck you.
to everyone that laughed at queerphobic jokes by senior artists at blizzard during standup meetings about pronouns, including managers,
fuck you.
to all of the powerful women whose resources i had been sharing for years, unaware that they were protecting rapists to avoid conflict in their friend groups,
fuck you.
to the men that harassed women at GDC parties so much they had to hide in bathrooms and the rest of us consoled them and got them out of the building safe from you,
fuck you.
to the men that told my <22 year old female mentees that they wouldn’t get a job at their aaa company unless they went on a date with them,
fuck you.
to all of the people that have cornered and assaulted and hit on and intimidated and raped my friends,
fuck you.
to every mentor capitalizing off of advising people into game dev that doesn’t at least warn aspiring developers, especially queerfolks, BIPOC, and women, about how cannibally toxic this industry is,
fuck you.
there are no excuses for any of this behavior and to everyone that has watched them happen and said absolutely nothing,
fuck you.
fuck all of you.
you might read the angry responses to your apology tweets about how you’re a bad person and assume that’s all anyone has to say to you, but you will never, ever grasp the scope of the damage that you have inflicted on this industry. your damage is exponential. it is not a simple wound. it is a toxin that spreads out of control and infects everyone within proximity.
the secondhand trauma carried by healers in this industry is tremendous and i will never forgive any of you. the people that attempt to save those that the industry have failed have put thousands and thousands of hours behind closed doors into cleaning up your messes.
quietly, we wake up every fucking day and pick up the pieces of the disasters you have left behind. we listen to the victims weep as they relive their trauma, we redirect them to private communities that are safe from you, we sacrifice our mental health in an attempt for this industry to have any sort of future that is not entirely regrettable. it is well intended but self destructive. this is why so many of us leave before we reach 6 years in this career. our hands bleed from the broken glass that you have scattered all over game development until there is no more blood for us to give.
the physical sensations of older mens’ hands touching my body that i experience as part of my PTSD episodes are impossible to escape. i cannot run from them. and those hands haunt me every time that i am reminded of how this industry is literally doing that exact thing, day in and day out, as we attempt to distract ourselves from the reality of that constant abuse.
if you are one of the people mentioned in this article, do not dare have the audacity to reach out to me. if you ever see me in the same room as you, i suggest leaving that space unless you want the full wrath of my anger.
we hate you. you are the rot that has destroyed this industry. you are the reason that so many of us do not believe this industry is worth saving. you are the problem. and the only solution is for you to leave, forever.
go to hell.
afterthoughts:
there is a pervasive, nearly unavoidable element of lovelessness in our society that is especially accentuated within profit-driven creative industries filled with workers of passion that feel exploited and alienated from what brings them joy. so many of us experience lovelessness and then, intentionally or not, we replicate those forms of psychological and/or physical damage upon others tenfold. i began to carry trauma- from both men and women- long before i entered the games industry, but the degree at which it continues to occur so blatantly in games- especially at “progressive” and “dream job” companies for which young people work for years to enter only to have their heart broken- is inexcusable.
the pursuit of game development (and creativity in general) comes from an optimistic spark that is often quickly eroded or shattered for young creators within their first months in the industry. it is, yet again, time to reflect and be patient and objective. we are so angry. but we also need to accept that to fundamentally transform a broken and abusive system into something new and constructive and healthy, we have to come from a place of love.
p.s. i am not a woman.
recommended reading: art of loving | all about love
