If you use people, you lose people!

Becca Jenne
Jul 24, 2017 · 3 min read

I think at some point in everyone’s life they find a person who is a user. A person that uses others to get what they want, and leave all the broken pieces of people’s lives behind. Do they know it’s wrong? I don’t know, they don’t seem to have any remorse for their actions. They just go on to their next victim.

No one likes being used. In fact a lot of would be friendships are ended by users. Many hurt feelings are left in the wake of these users. But it doesn’t seem to help them see the damage They are doing.

I would like to be very clear, a user is more commonly called a manipulator. They do underhanded things that forced people’s hands so that they must take action. Manipulation is never good when it’s in reference to human relations. Manipulation always leaves a trail of human debris.

Manipulation.

Noun

1)the action of manipulating something in a skillful manner.

2) the action of manipulating someone in a clever or unscrupulous way.

Unscrupulous

Adjective

1)Having or showing no moral principles; not honest or fair

By these two definitions alone, we can see how cruel manipulation can be. I don’t want to be treated in an unscrupulous manner, and i would venture a guess that no one else wants to be treated this way either.

I don’t manipulate people. I’m honest and upfront and polite, and when I need something from someone, I ask, they have the option to say no, I’m not upset if they can’t do what I want, I understand They have lives, and different priorities then I do. I’m willing to wait for things I want, if I need something I don’t need to manipulate people to get it, I’m self sufficient, I work, I take care of myself, I don’t need to manipulate people. Now the situations do happen when my car breaks down and i need help, but I don’t have to manipulate people then either. My friends know that if they need me I’ll be there, and I know that they will be there for me if I need help. That isn’t manipulation, it’s called friendship.

I have some pretty personal experience with this topic. I grew up with a parent that manipulated us as kids (mostly for our own good, making us clean our rooms, eat our vegetables, behave ourselves, etc etc) and a parent who didn’t. The parent who didn’t manipulate us, actually got better results from us kids. The parent who did manipulate us, had to keep finding new ways to make us do what we should have done. It was never pleasant, please don’t misunderstand, we were not abused by any means, but the process that they took to get us to cooperate wasn’t pleasant. Now as an adult I have found its just easier to cooperate, then it is to fight the parent over things that I know I should do anyway.

My most recent experience is with a sibling. I have found that they have grown up to be a manipulator, but not like our parent, this sibling is manipulating people for their own gain. I confronted them, and they said that ‘everyone manipulates to get what they want’ I discovered during our conversation that they are using me and everyone else in the family to get what they want. This hurts me. I’ve been manipulated in the past, but aside from the one well meaning parent, it was always from outside the family. This has destroyed our relationship, the manipulation has destroyed our relationship.

Manipulation isn’t a good thing, it’s not innocent, it’s not okay, it destroys people.

Don’t use people you love, you’ll lose the people you love.

Becca Jenne

Written by

I am a musician, a song writer, a coffeeholic, a florist, a home maker, a wife, and artist. now it just sounds like I'm bragging. I might be a little. :-)

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