Thank you so much for writing this. Growing up, I also found myself struggling to place my fantasies within the limited spectrum that my friends/parents and the media provided. Luckily, I discovered fanfiction relatively early on, which exposed me to just about every kink under the sun and helped me feel confident in my own sexuality.

But as someone currently in the midst of online dating, I find myself resorting to code words to hint at my preferences, afraid of inviting perverts to send me dickpics or outing myself on the off-chance that a co-worker cruises by my profile. Although I am not ashamed of what I want, I don’t know how to bring it up in conversation.

All of this makes me so grateful for your reminder about how poisonous that secrecy can be, and how important it is to talk about anyway.