Shocking facts that will help you NOT to write the perfect blog post

Today I’ll be writing the perfect blog post, and I’m going to kick things off with a joke to get your attention.

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug.

Now that you’re three lines deep, you’re more likely to keep going. You’re invested. It’s too late for you now.

Or maybe not — there’s still a chance for you to save yourself.

Clawing your way out of this hole? Let me hit you with some emotion.

This isn’t really a topic that lends itself to the touchy feely stuff, though, so let me just say: remember Sad Pawpaw?

Okay — that’s that bit covered.

What’s next?

Relevant imagery increases the chance of your post being read by 94%. Here’s some of that:

Both pictures are about writing. I found them by typing ‘write’ into a free stock image site.

We’ve still got 1,414 words to get through if we’re going to hit 1,600 words — the perfect blog length! That’s a terrifying prospect for both of us, so I may chuck in a bit of lorem ipsum here, just to pad out the middle. Most people skim through the middle bit anyway.

‘Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, nunc torquent ridiculus, iste viverra at maecenas ac, primis id nullam scelerisque nulla consectetuer. Perfect blog post neque mauris nunc sit eu justo, exercitation erat. Perfect blog post porttitor hendrerit nulla mauris mattis, accumsan mattis nec praesent, dictum turpis facilisis purus, integer pretium nullam eget luctus sociosqu, ‘Perfect blog post’ vehicula tristique senectus potenti. Perfect blog post lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, nunc torquent ridiculus, iste viverra at maecenas ac, primis id nullam scelerisque nulla consectetuer. Perfect blog post urna donec vel, eget dignissim donec urna sed penatibus. Neque mauris nunc sit eu justo, exercitation erat. Auctor nascetur, blandit eu imperdiet eu ut.

Just as non-artists can try painting by numbers, a template is a great way to make sure anyone — even people who hate writing — can churn out as much content as possible. The internet isn’t going to fill itself, after all. Get cracking, people! You don’t get gold by deviating from the formula.

But what made you click in the first place? You may have noticed my headline. It was solutions-based, don’t you know? You were looking for an answer, and I provided the sweet promise of that. In it, I also included all the vital components — the common elements of a viral headline, such as the emotional element (‘shocking’), the content and format elements (‘facts’), the topic element (‘writing a blog post’) and the promise (‘you’ll learn how not to do it’).

I’m just going to pop back and cram in some keywords for any Google bots that may fancy reading it. If I can squeeze in the phrase ‘perfect blog post’ five or six times that should get their attention. (Hint: Most of it’s buried in the lorem ipsum.)

But that was the start and this is the end (we’ll gloss over that bit in the middle). What the hell do you do now? You’ve finished reading. What happens next?

Time for a strong call to action! Read some of these other posts for more info on editorial analytics. That’ll send you deeper into the rabbit hole.

This article is stupid. I’ve followed all the rules, and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever written. And, like all writers, I’ve churned out my fair share of dross — apologies to those who suffered through any of it.

Even my less-than-successful pieces, though, were written with passion and purpose. So, following on from a spate of ‘perfect blog length’ and ‘perfect blog post’ articles that were doing the rounds not so long ago, when a colleague recently shared a Buzzsumo post on how to write the perfect headline, I thought I’d try these recommendations: without purpose, and certainly without passion, just ticking the boxes I’d been told to tick. This may sound like I’m being prickly, but a lot of these posts are aimed at people who have no desire or passion to write — but feel they have to or else miss a marketing opportunity.

The Buzzsumo piece is interesting. It shows a detailed breakdown of the types of descriptors to use and how to best make them work in your favour. It’s probably very useful to people who’ve never written a headline — as are the other posts I referenced throughout this article that looked at points to include, or templates to get started, or even the dreaded word count. These posts, however, took me back to a meeting with a client (much of the writing I do is in relation to content marketing) where I was asked to make editorial recommendations. Happy to join the chat, I was stumped when, rather than asking me about the kind of topics they should be covering, or the tone of voice, or the types of content that would work best for their audience, they asked me to write a page of instructions for them on how long each article should be, any specific phrases to include and even exactly how many words should be in the headline, as though there were one perfect formula that all writers knew about.

On the surface, these are sensible questions. For clients such as these, content is a commodity, so where’s the harm in working out the practical details of what works? When you reduce creativity to a click-focused formula, though, you can lose sight of what your content should be doing. As such, the first line of the Buzzsumo post actually sent a chill down my spine.

‘Why did you click through to this article?
Why will some people share this article without even reading it?’

Without even reading it.

Who cares if anyone READS what you write? You can show your client or editor how many shares you got! Maybe someone clicked on it — count those clicks up! Even if they left without reading a word, even if it was an accident, even if they passed out on their keyboard — count them up!

Here’s a novel idea: what if finding a formula doesn’t matter that much? What if headline length and the right secret combo isn’t the crux? What if it’s the subject matter, the quality, the story you’re telling and the information you’re sharing that compels someone to read it? I’ve never met anyone who complimented me on an article that ended at exactly 1,600 words, or on including all the right headline components. Usually, any praise was ‘it made me laugh’, or ‘that was a great recommendation’. Likewise, criticism will more often than not be focused on ‘it could have been more in-depth’, ‘it was a bit dry’, ‘the middle was a bit rubbish’ (that middle again), and so on.

Data matters, but using it to find your audience and then find what they want and need from you is going to be a much better use of your time than researching how many words you need to cram into the title.

What happens if your article needs 1,700 words to get the point across? Should you abandon it and screech to a halt midway through? How about if all it takes is a few paragraphs? Is it better to paste in some filler to hit the perfect length? If it’s not an emotive topic, should you tack on a tear-jerker of a headline just to take a stab at a viral outcome?

Editorial rules evolved for a reason — to serve up information in an engaging, entertaining way, and make that as easily digestible as possible, so it’s easy to see how this stuff happens. Measuring success (and failure) is important to recreate that success and learn what works. That’s why data is needed — a tried and tested method is a great starting point — but as Adam Tinworth put it in a recent Content Insights interview, ‘analytics are the beginning of wisdom, not the end of it‘.

For print, word count was important for two reasons: you paid freelancers by the word, and you had a size and shape that was roughly the same each week to fill. You may have known that filling a page was going to need at least 500 words, or could accommodate up to 700, and anything on either side of that would involve either sending in a sub-editor to hack away at it, or shamelessly fiddling around with the pictures.

But some of the best bits of creativity happen when you throw the rules out of the window. Formulaic click-pleading headlines start to reek of desperation. Ultimately, the best headline is one that’s right for the story. If it’s a post that will ‘literally blow your mind’ then it’s only right that a potential reader be given fair warning. If not, all you’re doing by deploying a hyperbolic headline is ensuring you gradually erode their power.

Writing tips, case studies and success stories are fair enough, but once you start reducing creativity to a write-by-numbers format, it can safely be said that you have strayed from the path of righteousness. Take it to the nth degree and you’ll get one perfect article to rule them all — shining as an example of the only thing people want to read.

And once this has been unpacked and discovered, all the writers in the world will be able to go home (or, more likely, to the pub), because our work will be done.

Incidentally, this post is exactly 1,599 words long. Sorry to leave you hanging.

This article originally appeared on contentinsights.com