How to Overcome Anything & Dominate

I love my life.

I have an amazing wife, great kids, and a business empire that enables me to live the good life. But it hasn’t always been like this. Life hasn’t always been a mixture of hard work and joy.

There was a time when life sucked 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. A time when my immigrant family dug through dumpsters looking for something to eat. When I used gasoline to treat lice because we couldn’t afford lice treatment.

I’d guess your story is different. But you have a story with parts that aren’t pretty. Maybe you grew up dirt poor like me. Maybe you were taken advantage of by the adults in your life. Maybe you were told over and over you’d never be anything. Maybe you had to parent a younger sibling while mom or dad went on a drug binge.

Whatever shit happened to you in your past, I get it. It sucks. And hear me when I say that if you suffered abuse or trauma, it’s NOT your fault. And there’s nothing you can do about it. But it IS your fault if you don’t do anything to fix it.

The road to recovery isn’t easy, but the alternative is a hard life. Because if you don’t actively work toward recovery, your past will DESTROY your future.

Hurting people are everywhere

Current statistics indicate that about 10 percent of kids are sexually abused before they turn 18. Approximately one-third of all women are victims of rape, domestic violence, or stalking. A third of men experience mental or physical abuse. And 25% of men are raped or molested.

The stats are mind-blowing, but they’re probably not accurate. The real numbers are likely higher. Much higher.

And the numbers hurt. Because they’re not just numbers. They represent real people going through real suffering.

I often advocate for pain, because that’s how we grow muscle — whether physical, emotional, or entrepreneurial. But this suffering is different.

This suffering isn’t the result of someone making bad decisions or a marketing plan failing. This suffering won’t help you turn a bigger profit next quarter. This suffering is brought on because of evil people. This suffering is real, and it haunts people their entire lives.

As a man who was abused as a child, I can tell you that abuse and trauma can be particularly damaging to men.

Think about how much trauma men go through. Now think about how men are treated afterward. We’re not given a chance to talk things through or work it out. We’re taught to shut up and be men, tough guys.

People who haven’t suffered may think this approach works. But it doesn’t. The pain we’ve experienced in the past bleeds into every part of our present. And it wreaks havoc.

If you’re still young, everything may seem fine. But don’t expect it to last. Because your world changes when you hit the 30s and 40s. Suddenly, you’re self-destructing — getting black-out drunk, being unfaithful to your partner, gambling until your broke, losing yourself in pornography, eating until you get sick. There’s not a vice you won’t try out.

You don’t understand why, but self-sabotage becomes a pattern in your life. No matter where you find yourself, when a good thing comes your way, you feel obliged to ruin it. Because you believe the lie that you don’t deserve good things or happiness.

I may not be a therapist, but I’ve spent a lot of time with one. And I want you to hear this loud and clear: until you deal with the trauma, you’ll ALWAYS self-sabotage. You’ll NEVER be good enough, and you’ll NEVER be content.

As a man who has been through trauma, I envy women. Women get together and talk about things. Real things. They forge past the surface stuff and get to the hard shit. They admit when they hurt. They tell other women their traumas. And they work through them.

Men are the exact opposite. Men suck at talking about real stuff. We’re experts of the superficial. Two men could be lifelong friends and not even know each other.

All the while, men are dying to be known. We want someone we can open up to and be honest. But we won’t take that first step.

As a result, those past traumas haunt men. The abuse wakes them up in the middle of the night. Keeps them from being able to focus and grow as people.

You have to deal with your trauma

Things don’t have to be that way. You don’t have to let something that happened in your past determine your future. You can have freedom and joy. You can move past all the shit. You can learn to ignore the lies that you’re not enough.

How?

By manning up and dealing with the trauma. And I’m saying that as a friend. Because I spent decades running from the pain. I planned on running my whole life. Thought I could bury it. But I couldn’t.

And when I finally decided to do something about it, it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t fun. It was work. Shitty work no one should have to do. But after five years of grueling self-work and working with a therapist, I got through it. I moved past the pain and was able to think clearly for the first time.

While it hurt more than anything, it was worth it, 100%. And you’re worth it too.

There are a million ways to overcome abuse and self-hatred and learn to dominate every facet of your life. You can connect with a professional counselor and put in your time. You can turn to spiritual advisors and trusted friends. You can join my intense 75-hour project that crams five years of counseling into a few days.

When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter how you go about facing your past and moving past it. What matters is that you do it. That you don’t let someone else’s actions and words put you on a self-destructive path.

You were born to soar, to be a fighter jet. To do that, you’ve got to kill the toxic, negative belief systems that plague you. So take the time to make it happen. Take the time to tend to your physical, mental, and emotional health. Allow yourself to cry and scream, to punch the air and to fall on the ground in a ball.

As you do this, it will hurt. But you’ll be ready to take on the world and take care of others. In other words, you’ll become a modern-day knight.