True luxury is choice !
I just read this statement from Armelle Nyobe. She commented a text I posted here on Medium, What happens when a woman tells people she does not want to be a mother, and she said this.
True luxury is choice.
It’s funny how as we grow older and older, we abandon our right to make choices for ourselves, our own good, our own happiness. We kill our will to please society, to fit in, to make other people feel something about us : love, happiness, pride, envy, jealousy, hatred… We still make choices, but most of the time we do not make them because we want to, but because we (think we) have to.
The feelings I mentioned above become the central point our lives revolve around. What people feel about us becomes more important than how we feel about ourselves. Let me take an example: in the post Armelle commented, I was talking about me preferring not to have children.
The people who called me and texted me after reading the text never asked the only question that mattered: WHY? The only important thing to them was me not fitting in. If I wanted to be considered a woman, I should bear children and make my man happy. The point here is not to talk about this stereotype again. My point is I did not matter. What I wanted did not matter. The only thing that mattered was for them to talk some sense into me for me not to go astray, not to be different.
How many people made and are still making their lives miserable because they are living for people to nod in assent each and every time they do exactly the opposite of what they really want to do? I am asking myself.
It is true that in some situation we do not have a choice. We have to please people first, especially when we are a parent. We prefer to invest money in our child’s education rather than going to the Bahamas to chill and drink coco water.
But in such cases, the choice we make does not determine the rest of our entire lives. Bahamas could have been Bali or even Limbe. It is not that important. I am talking here about life changing decisions: getting married because we are of age, having children because we are wives, quitting our job because we are mothers, choose medicine instead of fashion because our grand-father was a doctor and our father wants to honour him through us…
I promised myself not to let people live their lives by proxy through me.
If you want something for yourself, do it, and make sure you leave me alone. That is my philosophy. When it comes to piloting my life, I do not let anyone tell me what I (should) want or what (they think) I need. I am the one and only master on boars. I may not be living the best of lives to
some, but at least it is all mine. All.
I granted myself the luxury of choice.
I have the privilege to know about both worlds: the one where one is nothing but the accumulation and reflection of other people limits, frustrations and hopes, and the other one where one is nothing but the sum of the decisions made by themselves for themselves.
If you want to know which one I prefer, let me tell you this:
I bask into luxury and I love it.
Reach me on Ask.fm, I am ready to answer each and every question asked to me.
Hello, my name is Befoune, and I talk about citizen participation and empowerment in my country, Cameroon, on the platform Elle Citoyenne. My dear friend Tchassa Kamga and I created the publication Self-Ish to share our experience in self improvement, content creation and what we call human relationships.