What happened when I decided to become an adult

I promised myself I will start writing again on Medium on a regular basis when I will get my adult life on track. I finally did, my people. I’ll turn 32 pretty soon, and I finally feel like an adult. I was waiting for this since the beginning of the year. Remember, my one and only resolution for 2018 was to become an adult.

It may sound crazy. People think of adulthood as something “happening” in the early or middle twenties. I told you, I am a late bloomer. It took a decade more when it comes to my own personal case.

Truth is I was waiting for adulthood to come to me. I was waiting for something to change, for a particular event that would clearly make me know I was an adult from that particular moment. But nothing ever happened.

I’ll be 32, but I still feel like so many versions of myself. Me at 5 making my mother promise me at 8 I will be allowed to put on her jewels, and counting minutes til my 8th birthday. Me at 12 having my periods for the firsttime and wondering why the fuck that useless thing was paining that much. Me at 16 thinking of anything else than partying. Me at 24, struggling between heartache and university. Me at 29, deciding to start my life from scratch. Me at 31, deciding to get a job after a year going up and down and doing exactly what I wanted with no care in the world.

Each of these versions are still living inside me. I thought for me to be an adult, they had to die for me to become a “new self”. So I patiently waited for these Mes to die, for Me to become an adult. Nothing happened. Sometimes I am still scared of what tomorrow holds, just as the 5 years old girl I used to be. I still feel in pain like the 12 years old girl I used to be. I still feel careless and carefree like the 16 years old party girl. So how could I become an adult, with all these young and unexperienced selves in me ?

When I vowed to become an adult, I was clearly not knowing what I was looking for. I was still waiting fot the death of the younger selves. But God, they refused to die. So, at some point, I asked myself : what if I decided to become an adult ? What if I stopped waiting for it to happen and decided to lead my life as an adult, doing exactly what the majority of adult people do ?

And that’s exactly what I did.

It took 6 months. From January to June. I worked my ass off meeen. Let me tell you the truth. When I decided to become an adult, my bank account was fucking empty. Like for effing real. I was damn broke, as I used to be most of the time through 2017. I told you I had NO savings when I quit my job. All I made sure to have was a new laptop and a new cellphone to be able to continue working on my projects and as a translator from time to time.

Today I am renting a two bedroom appartment and paying rent for the first time in my life. I have a job I go to every morning. A job I really like. I have a savings account. Like for real. Yes my people, Baby Befoune is now Old Momma Befoune. All it took was a decision. I decided to be an adult and became one within six months.

I even have a new sense of confidence in myself. It seems like I am more sure of what I am doing, since for the first time in my life I really take the time to reflect on and plan what I do.

And I changed. A lot.

I am less outgoing and more introvert. I talk less and listen more. My stands are more nuanced, if I can say it that way. I take the time to try other people’s shoes to make sure I would have acted different if I was in their situation before criticizing. I denounce less and act more to change things for the better at my own level. I write less. It is not about being prolific anymore, it is about being useful and relevant. Always.

Funny thing is the younger Mes are all still living inside me. They will never go away, I think. And I don’t want them to. I love them. Just as I love my new self. We are all me, at different stages of my life, stages I don’t want to forget.

I still have dreams. And personal projects. But I prefer them to be side projects for the moment. I dedicated a whole year to my media, Elle Citoyenne, to make a side project out of it again. Some may think I am moving backwards.

Not true.

I live to be happy. Nothing more, nothing less. It is all about what makes me happy and fulfilled. Being dedicated to one thing only was not making me happy anymore. I want to do several things. I want to be active for the benefit of myself, but also other people. I want to focus on my own growth first, not on the growth of anything I created or am about to create. And I want to make money to be able to lead my life the way I want it to be. My adult life. I am now an adult. Can you believe it ?

Hello, my name is Befoune and I am now an adult. Clap if you enjoyed reading this text. And clap even if it is not the case. I need you to cheer me. For real.