When comfort zone means death
Today I let go of two pair of shoes.
This post is going to be kind of awkward. I want to talk about two different things but I don’t want to write two texts. I hope it will be OK.
As I was saying, today I let go of two pair of shoes. I loved them so much. I wore either one or the other almost everyday. Actually it was evryday. They felt comfortable and they were nice. One was black and was ok with every pair of jeans or shirt or blouse or dress. The other one was beige and was not ok with every pair of jeans or shirt or blouse or dress, but I made it be. I did not care actually. I loved those shoes.
I went everywhere with them. Kampala, Abidjan, Douala, Paris, Dakar… I am not really into fashion so I was ok wearing the same shoes everyday. I did not care. I still don’t.
They both were given to me by my sister. The black one first and then the other one. They were very beautiful and very comfy, I am telling you. I have several other pair of shoes but they are… different. I think they have a more serious look and some have high heels. I cannot wear high heels everyday. Actually I put them on once every two years.
My sister was asking me to let go of these shoes for months now. And I said no. They were still so nice to me, just as they were the first day I got them.
Truth is they were old. And ugly. They were not nice anymore at all. They were comfy, but worn out and ugly. The flat heels of the black one were ruined by stone and sand and rain water and so many other stuff. The glitters on the beige one were merely visible again. These shoes were good to be thrown away.
I never realised they were that old and ugly until this morning. My sister came to my room with a plastic bag and told me “I came to take these shoes.” I said NO. She said “Give them to me, you will thank me later”. I said NO. Then she left. I looked at the shoes and it was like I was seeing them for the first time in my life. They were so old and so worn out and so dirty and so… so so many things. I called my sister back and told her “Take them out”.
She is still afraid I may change my mind so she hid them. She plans to give them away tomorrow. I won’t change my mind. It is not only about the shoes, it is about my life.
Let me explain.
In life we cling to comfy “stuff”. We cling to what we know best, we think our world ends there, we do not need anything more anymore. Or we cannot have anything better anymore. We cling to people cheating on us because of how beautiful the love story was in the beginning. We cling to job we hate because we are afraid we won’t be able to have 2 days off every month or two if we get a new one. We cling to situations because they feel ok. Even if they are not, we feel ok because they used to be ok.
Though I have many pair of shoes, I clang to those because I was afraid of change. I told you guys change frightens me. Some mornings I put on one of the other pair of shoes and went out, then came back to the house to change and put on either the black or the beige pair of shoes. Comfort zone. No change. Just me and my shoes.
I am not feeling fulfilled lately (the second thing I wanted to talk about, remember?). I am ok -not happy, just ok - but not fulfilled. I cannot be happy if I am not fulfilled. I feel like there is something missing. Or I am missing something. Or both.
When I called my sister back to take these shoes, it struck me. I was ok with were I am in life. It is not were I want to be AT ALL (I am still not the new Oprah and I am still not leading the new citizen Huffington Post!), but it is ok. Nothing to complain about so I started basking in what I call “good mediocrity”. It is not what it should be, but it is not bad, and it feels ok. I reached a comfort zone.
One of the most difficult things in life is to leave a comfort zone. I thought leaving one was leaving all for good. But one can leave a comfort to jump into another one. I never knew it was possible Though it is better than the previous one, it is as static as the previous one.
There is no static in life actually. Either you move forward or you move backward. I am static so I am moving backward. I am basking into good mediocrity. I am basking into mediocrity. Me!
I need change. I need improvement, I need new challenges, I need achieving new things. I am not bored at all, just… static. And static means dying to me because there is no chance I thrive while being static.
I need to move forward. I need to experience new things.
I need a change of life.
I took the time to tell you my story, you took the time to read it. I am so grateful for that! I’ll be even more grateful if you could take the time to hit the heart and share it too :)
Hello, my name is Befoune and I left my job to follow my dream!
I created the civic media Elle Citoyenne to promote Civic opinion and participation, and celebrate civic action in Africa. My dear friend Tchassa Kamga and I created the publication Self-Ish on Medium to document our lives as humans and share our experience in self improvement, content creation and what we call human relationships.