Haters Gonna Hate, Potatoes Gonna Potate
Some people say that “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts”. Them folks lied because I know for a fact that it spells “Fries”, as in “go eat some fries to calm down, meng!” When you’ve had a rough week, something fried will always bring you back to centre. Think about it. Fried chicken, fried bake, deep-fried ice cream. All of that. Fried anything has this kind of magic to transport you to a place where stress dissolves like hot butter in a frying pan.
My week was peppered with some seriously underwhelming highs and manically depressive lows. Not even the approaching weekend could alleviate the pain. Saturday and Sunday offered no prospect of letting up because when you are a freelancer, Friday just doesn’t have the glow that resonates with typical nine-to-fivers. There is no lounging around because work is never done. And, if you happen to have no work, as a freelancer you become cloaked by this great sense of urgency to do something. Does that sound like a Friday to you? If you had a schedule like mine, you would call every day Monday!
A blank agenda for a freelancer, at any given moment, can lead to a plethora of activity around frivolous chores. If you are like me and share an apartment with a roommate, you find yourself cleaning the common spaces you share. You rearrange furniture. You clean out cupboards and drawers. You polish shoes, all the shoes. One particular Mond- I mean Saturday, I was in the middle of cleaning my bathroom when out of the blue, Roomie exclaimed, “I want fries!”. It was as if she plucked the thought from the air just as it flew over her head. #Random. But I understood, I could relate. She too had a stressful week. Although her stress didn’t seem to be grave as mine. While I was scrubbing away scum in an attempt to ditch the merciless pains of another wretched week, Roomie was taking a much needed break from the first week at her new job. We were both experiencing some level of wariness albeit for very different reasons. I washed away the final suds in the shower, washed my hands, and headed to the kitchen.
Yes, I was going to make those Fries. It’s the kinda of friendship we have, Roomie and I. Besides, based on the week I had, standing amidst the heat of the kitchen would have been a walk in the park.
To some, deliciously wonderful home-made fries seems a very difficult task to achieve. If you have ever tried it before, I am sure your bounty would have resulted in a soggy, limp mess. How do you get the delightful crisp, the glorious tan, or the starchy delight? With my method you are guaranteed to win, because we are talking Royal Castle levels of good coupled with the kinda love and care Wendy’s puts in its fries. Additional bonus: you can up-size the fuck out of that shit if you want because you made it from scratch. Store bought is not an option, so forget the freezer bag. You need to pull out all the stops if you are going to make fries yourself. And, if your week was as confuffling as mine was, you need the mindless ease of preparing a bag full of starchy potatoes. Haters gonna hate the labour, but with the final result, you will sure fire win over philistines everywhere…
Salt and Pepper Steak Fries
4 large Idaho potatoes
2 cups vegetable oil
Salt
Black pepper
Method
Wash and scrub the individual potatoes to remove dirt. With skin on, and using a serrated knife, cut potatoes in half, down its longest side. Place each half cut-side down and cut into strips about an inch thick. Aim for uniform sizes. Each stick should be the same thickness.
In a large bowl, cover potato sticks in cold tap water. Sprinkle in three tablespoons of salt and toss to rinse residual starch out from fries. Drain away salted water and rinse potato sticks two more times with regular tap water. Once complete, lay out potato sticks onto a large baking tray in a single layer. Pat dry with paper towel. The drier the potato sticks the crispier the fries.
Heat the oil in a frying pan to medium heat. Oil should reach about an inch deep in the pan. Test for readiness with one potato stick. If it sizzles immediately, add a handful of potato sticks at a time while ensuring not to overcrowd the pan. Turn fries constantly for consistent frying. Once golden brown in colour remove from oil and place on paper towels to drain excess grease. While fries are hot, add salt and pepper to taste. Repeat process until batch is complete.
The process may be choked with technical steps but when you take your time, and follow through with each method carefully, all will be better. The just reward after putting a little effort into making something as delicious as fries will never disappoint. Piled high on a plate, you do not need anything else besides the fries. Well, maybe a little ketchup. And make sure that it is Matouk’s.
