And appreciate the rest of life too

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Have you noticed you’re alive?

It sounds like an absurd question I guess. Of course you know you’re alive. But have you actually noticed? Have you stopped to realize this, right now, is life?

Let me explain.

When I was around 6 years old, I was talking with my parents about what colleges I should consider when I graduated high school. By high school I was planning my midlife career. By college I was looking at retirement options.

It might sound like I was really ahead of the game. I guess I was…


But that’s not the whole story

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The divorce was hard on both of us. But let’s be honest, it was our marriage that was the real problem. The divorce was just ripping off the band-aid that held all the poison in.

We tried counseling. Well, we tried it again. We’d given it a first go before things totally broke down. Back when I still didn’t understand, or hadn’t accepted, the reality of our situation; the reality of us.

The first time around I didn’t want to go. I eventually agreed to go for her sake. We went for a few…


How social media is leaving you lonely

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Some years ago I lost my closest friends. In my mind it happened quite suddenly, but in retrospect I probably didn’t see the erosion behind the scenes. Why? We were still connected by social media.

For a long time I was stuck in a toxic, (co?)dependent relationship. I wasn’t really allowed to have friends of my own. I didn’t notice right away. I’m introverted anyway, and I felt like I had enough connection in my life.

It was mostly through Facebook.

At some point I looked up and began to notice that I…


From my own observations

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I’m fond of telling people to “stop trying to be happy”. It tends to make them think.

Sometimes it just makes them think about what’s probably wrong with me or how they can exit the conversation, but other times it invites the question of “What else would I do?” Because a lot of people, it seems, default to this idea that they should spend their lives seeking happiness.

But I disagree.

I think part of the misunderstanding is that people assume the absence of happiness is sadness. But both are actually highly emotional states.

There are…


It can be hard to handle alone

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My marriage failed. At some point near the end, I began to put together my narrative. I was assembling a timeline of events and connecting dots that I hadn’t before. Looking at the big picture helped me realize that leaving was the best choice.

But it was also a huge burden.

Suddenly I was carrying this heavy narrative, this story of pain and hurt, and I was doing it alone.

I had to change that. I had to share it. I needed someone to feel it with me. I needed someone to hurt…

Ben Made Known

Observationalist. Armchair psychologist. Writer-in-progress.

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