Moody Day

Here we are, first of June, beginning of a new month, closing in on summer, and it’s like 7 degrees in Toronto. I mean, come on. It’s days like these I hate, because it takes all my hard conjured positive thoughts and throws them down the toilet.

It’s been a bit over a year now, that I have been in Canada, and I’ll be honest, it’s not getting easier. It might even be getting harder. It takes a really strong European to moved across the ocean and leave that reality behind. I don’t want to be negative, but seriously If you are European and have spent most or all of your life living in Europe and are thinking of coming to Canada, be very mentally prepare for this dimension of life.

You know the ease of strolling your city, having coffee with your close friends, and just having a rich social life. You can pretty much forget that here. I struggle every day with the decision I've made, and need to keep reminding myself that the economy is disintegrating in Europe and that Canada has work opportunities, and can give you a more realistic future oriented life. But that’s basically it. That’s all it’s good for. Seriously!

The weather is just retarded, the winters are brutal, the summers changeable and humid, and the other two seasons (spring and fall) last only a couple of days in between and can easily be missed. The people even though very kind, and nice, it’s a fake kind of nice. No one really cares. The reality is that you are all alone here. The mentality is painful to discuss, the level of intelligence has a different standard, and you are left thinking wtf?

This post will probably be me bitching about Canada, but that’s my reality. I got married and live in Toronto with my husband. He doesn't want to leave Canada, and I’m not happy here. I adore him, so I feel stuck. Homesick, I feel like my life is wasting away here, I’m away from all the people I love and the more time that passes the harder I find it harder to go back home. I feel in a way that it’s not suppose to be my home anymore, now that I'm married, and yet I don't feel at home here either. Like a nomad.

I know they say that home is where the heart is, and I'm so torn, and I feel a little heartbroken, and I’m not sure why. Has everyone felt like this when they have left the family nest? What is the solution? I really have no fucking clue what to do.